White Boy

Well he's not the first white guy that I've dated but he's the first one that I liked this much. Him being white is not an issue, me moving super fast with him is. I've known him for a month now, and I've almost had sex with him twice. I like him. I'm not sure why but maybe he feels the emptiness that i've been feeling most of my life. I just feel loved when I'm with him. I don't know his intentions. Is like I'm sitting in a freezing room, and there's a dirty blanket in the corner. I don't want to use the dirty blanket because of its filth but I do and it warms me up. It feels so good that I forget about the filth. Its kind of like that. That he gives me the intimacy i need so i forget that he's not on my level. Like he lacks in everything else except passion and intimacy. He's caring too can't forget that. It's like he makes me forget about all his flaws and I always forgive him. I love him. I miss him. I need him. I want him. I wish I could lay with him every day and night. My family disapproves. He smokes weed everyday and lets not forget the other drugs he uses. He's cheap. That's one thing I can't deal with. We almost had sex in his moms bed. I wanted to but I couldn't. Soooo many things were running through my head. We kissed. 2nd base.....thats it. I felt so bad when I stopped it because I felt as though I lead him on but I couldnt do it. I was laying there kissing him with my eyes closed thinking about how I got into this situation and how I would get myself out of it. I was supposed to go over there today but my period came. Message from the gods? idk

WHYBAML

Its been such a long time since I've posted. So many things have changed in my life. I can't even begin to tell the stories of my life. It would take forever. I could leave off where I started and start new. Well as for Mikey, thats sooooo over. LONG OVER. He completely disappeared. Then I found him on Twitter and he's apparently dodging child support. Probably not but he changed his name and everything. I missed him soooo much. Thought about him, then someone retweeted him and thats how I found him! CRAAAAzy. I'm still a sucker for love. Kinda. I'm not able to fall in love fully. I have scars. I met a guy on an online dating site, Doctor. That's his profession. I haven't told anyone his name in fear that I will be cursed with the, "it didn't work out" curse. So far so good, but not really. Our first date was a lunch date. I left my internship and met him for lunch. LIKE at first site! He told me how he's traveled the world and we share the same religion and beliefs. We had so much in common yet we're so different. He went to Italy that week for 2 weeks. He kept in contact with me via email. When he got back we went to a tapas reasurant and to a bar. We kissed! WHYYY did I do that. We had like a full make out session in his car! WHYYYY did I do that!? Whore. but not really. We've been on...about....5 dates now. No progress. He works all the time! I understand, but we could still make progress. I'll wait. Oh, I hooked up with this guy I've know for 4 years. Ford, yeah, at my sister's friend's hotel party.....in the bathroom. FML Tragic.

14!

Last Blog it was 10 guys.....now its like 14!!!!! LOL

Watever...its fun! I love action and attention! :)

IMMA STAR!!!

But Prince did get mad at me tho....and Anthony called me private and left a voicemail like "Brooke WHAT YOU ON HAHA"

I wish I would have answered bcus believe it or not I'm starting to MISS HIM!!!

I'm going to call Happy tomorrow!!

Numb.

I just wish i could find somebody that I actually LIKE.

its this guy Vick I use to date along time ago. like last year.
he was just to jealous. He use to cuss me out on my voicemail if i didnt answer or call when i said i would.
lol. he's funny
but we just got back intouch. & no im not about to start back dating him. just friends.
hes cool tho..his into music. hes in a band or watever.
but we'll see

Just thinking......

Last night as I was driving I saw Trey standing outside.

I started to remember when I didn't like him.

I'm just the type of person that hates to put myself out.

It may not seem like a big deal to other people but it is to me. It took alot for me to let him know I was even interested in him. I'm a person with alot of pride and I let that go for him.

I started to realize that maybe my standards are to high but then again I have alot of confidence and I hate guys that lack that. I'm starting to set new goals for myself and not even get involved with guys that are a waste of time. I'll keep the old ones around for a while but no new low-life's.

I'm starting to think that guys are really intimidated by me. I'm not like other girls I'm kinda conservative if that's what you wanna call it. I do flirt alot, I like to have fun, and be the center of attention but I'm very mature about things. I don't smoke, drink or hook up with random guys. I'm smart I have a future and guys are intimidated because they feel that they are not good enough for me. I just want somebody who cares about me, that's as romantic as I am and sees a relationship as more then just sex.

I have always had guys knocking at my door, just not the ones I want.

Confusing && Celebs they remind of

Ok Trey responded...and now I don't know wat to do. I'm so effing confused. I'm scared to tell him, childish of me right?

I just like him soooo much that I don't want nothing to mess it up. Like what should I send him? Like what should I say?

This sucks! Majorly!


These are some celebs the guys remind me of:

Larry reminds me of Chris Brown

Happy reminds me of Young Jeezy or Gucci Mane lol

Trey reminds me of Brandon Hines

Ok I talked to Anthony today and my feelings for him is still not as strong as they use to be. I really feel that I cant trust him and I feel that maybe if I wasn't involved with him then I wouldn't have alot of the problems I have now. But how do I let him go?

Lyrics to listen to and understand

"You need to get if he don't wanna, Love you the right way He ain't gonna"

from Let it go by Keisha Cole