White Boy

Well he's not the first white guy that I've dated but he's the first one that I liked this much. Him being white is not an issue, me moving super fast with him is. I've known him for a month now, and I've almost had sex with him twice. I like him. I'm not sure why but maybe he feels the emptiness that i've been feeling most of my life. I just feel loved when I'm with him. I don't know his intentions. Is like I'm sitting in a freezing room, and there's a dirty blanket in the corner. I don't want to use the dirty blanket because of its filth but I do and it warms me up. It feels so good that I forget about the filth. Its kind of like that. That he gives me the intimacy i need so i forget that he's not on my level. Like he lacks in everything else except passion and intimacy. He's caring too can't forget that. It's like he makes me forget about all his flaws and I always forgive him. I love him. I miss him. I need him. I want him. I wish I could lay with him every day and night. My family disapproves. He smokes weed everyday and lets not forget the other drugs he uses. He's cheap. That's one thing I can't deal with. We almost had sex in his moms bed. I wanted to but I couldn't. Soooo many things were running through my head. We kissed. 2nd base.....thats it. I felt so bad when I stopped it because I felt as though I lead him on but I couldnt do it. I was laying there kissing him with my eyes closed thinking about how I got into this situation and how I would get myself out of it. I was supposed to go over there today but my period came. Message from the gods? idk