a year ago

Just last year this day in the morning I was lying in Eric's bed as he thrusted uncontrolably inbetween my legs.....I was in lust with him.....savoring every moment...I tasted his skin he tasted mines...I tasted his mouth he tasted mine...I like kissing him....at times I cring at the thought of him inside me because I know he loved her the way he loved me that night...a whole year...why does it feel like 2 why do I lie and say its been 2.....I want 2 see him...I'm clean but its funny how I ended up wearing the same underwear this morning as a wore last year...my thoughts are still as impure as ever but who's next...who will I surrender 2 now.....whomever...I will enjoy it....I won't love him though I say I only lay with those I love...its only true so far.....


And I still love him

opps i did it again

Yes I hooked up wit Eric last night after a Halloween party
i texted him (lyrics) and from there...yea u already know
so he picked me up from in front of my house...im friend really wanted to see who he was
im like noooooo!!
so we went to his house....talked
watched videos
oh i still had on my costume
had 4 minute sex
like wat wat
he claimed that it felt soooooo good and sooooooo tight that he came super fast
I really couldnt believe it
but im like duh ur the only one thats been in it!!!!
but i didnt say that exactly
he was like "its like u aint done nothing...blah blah blah"
im like "yea i really havent"
I SHOULDA JUST SAID THE SHIT...LIKE LOOK U R THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!
I think he knows now tho
he should
i got to his house at like 310 didnt leave to after 5

he was like really into it tho....i think it was the coustume....yea like totally the coustume.
i was really feining and when he came that fast im like NOOOOO HOLD IT! STOP!!

there wont be a next time tho
I think im finally over him
thank ya jesus!

Now What?

OK Eric!
Yes him again!

I talked to Anthony last night and Eric was brought up
I said before we hooked up Eric was going around saying that I was supposed to be in love with him....like what???? What would make him think that shit?????
I swear i never did anything to even show how I felt for him.
&& if he does think that then he really must not care about me at all because he went around spreading the word

but I'm finally over him
I had plans on hooking up with him for one last time on Halloween but I guess I wont do that anymore.
Tho I really really want to
but I just gotta move on
Imma still fuck him up tho

I can't lie. I'm InLove with you

Yall know who im talking about Eric of course

I talked to him the other day
he called me at 11:50 pm
we talked for an hour 14 minutes and 46 seconds

Im a mess right?
I mean I dont understand what makes me so interested in this guy. Well he claims the guys around here who I thought were his friends dont like him very much. Thats why the rumor was going around. But I know thats now all true. Its because he couldnt keep shut up about it. He just had to go and brag.

I had seen him earlier that morning when I was on my way to work. He tried to run me over. I told him I couldnt stand him and I had alot to say but when he called I couldnt say nothing. I'm a sucker. plus my dad was in the next room so............

I really want to tell him tho. Tell him how I feel that he only cared about his own feelings
He never thought about how all this would affect me but telling everybody
how he is the ONLY person I have ever been with
& why I did hook up with him

Just to let ya know.....It a probably be happening again.
I dont try to make the same mistake twice but I want it.
of course im not going to anyone else but him
maybe next week sometime.
Can't wait! lol

Quiz

When you read this you should start from the beginning or you will never know what the fuck im talking about

I need a boyfriend somebody i can love, care about and hold in my arms.
I just need a dream
please.

Where have I been?
School.
Its very stressfull too

Eric
Come on you know you wanna know
He's really pissing me off!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKER

I have tons of homework
but im blogging

Anthony
Still my friend

Happy
Happy belated Birthday

Prince
Where the fuck are you
Can you buy me something?? :_)

I need a new life.
Where did mines go?

Friends wouldnt hurt either

I Almost 4got

OHHHHKAYYY
I almost 4got 2 tell you that Eric had the nerve to show up at my BDAY party!!!!
Like WTF!!!

All his friends were there.....Happy was there
I just wonder wat everybody was thinking

I know what i was thinking

:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA IM SO EFFING ILL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS DUDE IS FUNNY HAHAHAHA I HOPE HE STICK AROUND BCUS I GOTS SOME SHIT TO SAY HAHAHHAHAHAHA WAIT UNLIT I TELL MY FRIEND HAHAHAHA::

I should really have my own tv show.....things in my life just alway happen in order.

amazing right?

love it!

Oh & WT called him from my phone the other day...
he probably thought it was me....such a loser


I dont even care about him....i wonder if that pisses him off
he is really nothing to me

My Friend Says He Knows you Well

Well.

hi.

i'm back.

please accept me back.

ok.

now....

Eric told Anthony && the rest of his friends.

Suckx right?

I'm mad but at the same time im amused. He is really acting like some little boy.

Does he feel accomplished?

So I'm like denying this shit to the end. Like really. How could I ever admit to it.

So i was sitting in the car with Anthony one late night & we were talking about the whole situation. Happy drove down the block. He didnt see us.

Then Eric drove past nodding looking in the car.

Im like OMG! I hate him.

What happened never happened. Well as far as im concerned.

I dont regret it. It was well planned but I will beat his ass for telling.

So anywayz Friday the 13th i put a hex on him lol well at least i tried to

then the next day Anthony told me he say him and he brung it up and thats allllllll he was talking about....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

well i broke up with Prince....long story

he fell in love......short story

ummmmm

I gots me a job!! lol

ummmm

new boys new problems..

im doing a cleanse..

Would he care if 'she' was a prostitute...

Did i lose sleep?? naaaa

Kudos to Lil Wayne ;)

Nill

Well I'm starting to hate myself for hooking up with Eric because I was just looking at his picture on Facebook and realized he's not that hot at all. What ever.. I live with no regrets.

But now I'm feeling like there's no one out there for me. I may never fall in love because I don't like nobody. It a be things that I like about them but I never like them completely.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean i'm not in a rush to settle down. I'm not that type but shit!!! Where are the good guys. The Fun guys. The Hot guys. There's none!

or maybe itz just one....& i can't find him.

Now I'm like dating 10 guys at once. Plus I got a boyfriend!

Guess Who I saw yesterday...!

Happy!

NO! Eric duh!

Well I was walking to the store down the street. There was a whole lot of guys like hanging out. I wasn't sure if he was over there with them because I didn't want to look over there.

So anyways on my way out the store I rerouted because I looked a mess and there was a lose dog roaming the streets.

So anyways I was walking down the block and saw him leaving out of him grandmothers house. I'm like OMG! NO!...so i like put my hood on so he wouldn't see me.

He noticed it was me and then went back into the house. LMAO!

Like WTF.... how r we BOTH hiding from each other.

We might as well face it. I mean he lives like on the same block that I do. We hang with some of the same people. We hang out at the same places.

soooooo yea we should just get over it. or he should get over it at least cus i'm over it.

He really needs to grow up.

Like really be a man PLZ!

yep. yep. yep. :)

This is where I want to be.

I lOve that boy....

I got love for him shall I say....but I'm not in love with him. Nope.

Now I understand the part in the movie Pretty Woman..when she says that she don't kiss her customers.

That's the only thing that I remember the most, is the kiss. Not the sex we had but the fact that he kissed me. Everytime I think about it i get weak. Love weak. Like oh my god I wish I could kiss him all the time. Feeling his lips on mine. That kiss is the only thing that makes me want him. That kiss was a big deal to me. Bigger than the sex. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did he have to kiss me. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??

anywayz....

i hope he didnt tell Happy...or imma be in deep shit!

Time.

yeaaa he still didnt call me....

but i know its not bcus he dont want to
he's scared....hes always scared and shy and nervous

he is really not who i thought...lol it's kinda funny now. I use to be in love with him, like seriously. Now that I was intimate with him i'm kinda lost. Like really lost. My feelings are not as strong because it took so much energy for me to get him. I always get what I ask for and I got it. I never kicked it with him solo and when I got the opportunity I did. He is alot different from what I expected. He is REALLY aggressive. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with him he would have forced me to. I really didn't have an opinion. Even though I did want it to happened, when I left my house that night I never intended on having sex with him. I just wanted to chill, then come back another day and hook up. He is really stronger than what he used to be. He lifts like hella weights now and I couldn't control him. He knew what he wanted when he called me that night, he knew. It didn't go the way I wanted. I'm a very visual person. I wanted it to be like in the movies. I wanted passion! I wanted to want him but I didn't. I did but I didn't. Never once did I think about Prince. I laid on my back while Eric was in between my legs thrusting uncontrollably. I moaned from pain not pleasure. I faked every moan and grunt. He talked the whole time. I laid there as the head board banged against his wall and he went faster and faster. He came in like 7 minutes. If that. I was probably the best he had in a while but only because I was super tight. Every man loves a new car with no miles that he can ride and take places that its never been. That's how I look at it. "i'm about to cum," he said. I wanted to cum. I wanted it to be over but at the same time I wanted it to last so I could experience my first 'big-O'.

Should I go back?
Not even I know what I will do.
I'm not attached to him in any way.
I hope he didn't think I would be a crazy virgin chick from hell that would stalk him.
No.
Not me.
I stalked him more before the sex..LOL
Only time will tell
I'm thinking about calling tomorrow..
So we will see.....


Stay tuned!

BULLSHIT!

I hooked up with Eric.

Like Just Right Now. :(

All Well....(Why Not!)

Well Prince gave me the best Valentines Day ever!!!.............

but i'm a bad person because i still want ERIC!

but now I got like a total different look on the whole thing.

Like i just want him for his tay! yep.

so should i call or text???

imma just call....im scared....sick....this is great.

i wish i could just like run into him...hmmmm

i need a miracle!!!

like seriously!

I've been thinking.....

Prince is really cool....but I dont know

he's ready to like go all the way..&& i so do not

want him to be my first....well my one and a half! (ha)

time for tears!

...we only live once so WHY NOT

that's my new little phrase to live by

why not.

like why shouldn't I love who I wanna love

Why not..

Cry out loud

Why not...

wear my heart on my sleeve

Why not...

tell him how I feel

why not..

smile :)

why not...

call him

why not...

sing LOUDLY

why not...

dress how I wanna!

why not...

ERIC HERE I COME!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

DONT FEAR ME!!

Quick Run Down...!

Ok,
remember the nightmare I had about my cousin hooking up with the guy I liked....totally came true
I'm sooo psyic...but i cant spell lol
&& my spell checks not working

ummmmm, Oh yea ERIC
um well Anthony told me that Eric had texed him like

why shorty text me at 2 in the morning

I guess he thought that was an open invite...but sooo not!

i mean I would love to hang out with him...but hook up??? umm not sure.

STOP BRAGGING!


hummmm...

i heart Eric

but im slowly losing interest...so cool!! finally the curse is leaving!! :)

I need rehab!!

Babble Jabble!

OOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkk....
Why did Eric tell Anthony I texted him back that night.
I only asked him if he called me...and he said yea he wanted to see if I was coming outside

Now Anthony hates me...be I honestly dont car as much bcus he always brings pettyness into my life.
Now i'm pissed at Eric....Why brag about it???

I really wish they would all just grow up && live their live outside of their phonebook!

kudos to Whitney!

So now its like...WHATEVER!

I cant catch a break really....so now if I do like hangout with Eric...im gonna make him feel guilty for everything... :)

THAT GOOD!

ok i started to get REAALLLLY irrataed with Prince, even before Anthony filled my head up with all his crazy talk. I mean he was right though...saying that Prince was gonna start pressuring me to have sex with him but i dont know. I think its the whole thing that I dont wanna lose my virginity to him. So I stop talking to him as much but I miss him now.



Sooooo Eric and Happy is like competing now to like be with me. Well at least hook up.

As much as I like Eric...Love Eric...I feel bad really. bcus he only wants to hook up && i want more.



He even called me last night to see if I was coming out!! AHHH! OHH EMMM GEEE!

Buts its making me think differently of him. He broke up with his girl AGAIN last night. but anywayz....



Lester, some fat guy told Happy and Eric that i was having sex so Happy was telling Eric about it. Happy was saying like I been dating her for almost 2 years, she need to stop playing and hook up. But the whole time Eric was thinking in his mind that he cant go and he gotta hook up with me first! DRAMATIC! Kay!



What is a girl suppose to do. I'm like inlove with Eric && i wonder from time to time if he even likes me. I mean more than just the sex....(that I probably will end up giving him)



Im so weak!



&& like 2 weeks ago i was suppose to like hang out with Eric at his house...but i went to a wack ass party instead...&& was pissed for like a week...didnt eat or sleep && almost passed out at Wal Mart.



Antony told me that i was inlove with Eric!! like How pysic!!!!!







ok i was like totally paranoid!!

like yesterday I kept itching (yea action parts)

Im like OMG!! I havent had sex...not even oral or anything its been like a year since any constact!!

So I start looking up like symptooms && stuff...thought it was Trich...

I was about to cry lol!

But found it it was just a side affect from my meds!

So not cool!!!!



thats why

READERS ARE LEADERS!!!



:)

I'm Not Emo...I Promise

HELLO STRANGER THAT READS THIS,

I'm Brooke. I'm 19. I live in the city but it feels like the contry sometimes. I love love. I'm single. I'm addicted to music. I don't feel real good about myself right now. Its time for a change. I'm ready for new life or my real life to start.......but meanwhile my old life still exists and so does the people that live in it with me.

I saw Eric's car today...yeah just his car. I was on my way home and I had to drive past his house. Looks like he was having a party. It was people everywhere. I didnt look at him. My sister said she saw him but I couldnt look at him. I hid. I don't want him to see me.

Evan- I saw him too.

Vegan.....should I??

Feels Like Forever

I haven't posted anything in a while. Much hasn't really been going on.
Anthony called me like 2 days ago
I didnt answer

Im sooooo done with him

now I'm just looking for someone to love me.

its this guy that lives around my house that I like but theres only one problem
he lives around my house

I got a job!! :)
yay!



ummmmmmm....

my lifes pretty boring right now

but my friends got alot of drama going on

well Ciara
shes dating this younger guy.
she already hooked up with him.
now some girl is saying hes her boyfriend

Brittany
is going through some major love triangle
he likes this guy that her friend likes but brittany made out with the guy at her friends party
now she hates her
and she made out with another guy her friend likes but he was origanlly just both of their friend

yea i kno...i dont get it either


i wonder wat erics doing right now
i heard him and his girlfriend are back together

i know this may sound evil but even tho i didnt break them up on purpose
i wish they would break up
i wish that was enough to make them never talk to each other again
i want him all to myself and i cant have him if they broke up or not but i just dont want him with her
is that bad?
i wish he wasnt so soft and didnt let her run all over him
shes just a peasent and im the motherfucking princess!!
lol

well well well

I'm starting to see the bigger picture....Everything is soooo much clearer now.

and tell me why???

I was driving I had my friend with me. I was like I should show you Eric's car. (he got it painted because his girlfriend scratched it up)
"That's him in front of us!!!" i said.

it looked like he was in the car alone.

"he in there by his self," Brittany said.

and as she said that we saw a head pop up.

what!! blow job!! lol

get some brain in the front seat of the Hummer, huh? lol

Flashback #2: I love Eric

I was just thinking, remembering when I actually liked Eric and he felt the same way about me.

I was at the park with my friends and he was there. He gave me his number. I didn't call.

I saw him at the park and he was flirting. I didnt think much of it.

So one night I was at the park me and my friends and he was flirting MAJORLY.
It was still kinda cold out side so I had on a jacket and my skull and bone scarf that I always wear and it was hanging outside the bottom of my jacket.
He was pulling on it.

"I thought that was a belt," he said
Then he started going in my jeans pockets (can you say free fills lol)
Of course I flirted back because I alllwwwaayyysss liked him.
So me and my friend was talking about how we be at the club.
"Brooke always doing that little roll, do yo roll for Eric," she said pretty much instigating.
"She scared of me"
"I am not scared of you"
He kept putting his fingers in my belt loops. We was all hugged up and everything.
I just wanna cry now remembering.

Like one time we were at the park. He was checking me out looking me up and down. He always say stuff like I'm skinny.
"I be back"
"Where you going?" he asked.
"I'm hungry. I'm about go home and eat a fork of spaghetti," I said joking but I was serious.
"Naw folks you need to eat more than that. Eat a couple plates."
"Whatever," I said as I walked off smiling.
I looked back giving him the "eyes"

When I came back he was driving back into the park and stuck his tongue out at me and I did it back
OMG!!! I loved that boy crazy!

After the night of flirting I felt confident enough to call him up. I think it was like the next day or a few days later or something.
I was sitting in my moms car and I called him.

"Hello," he answered.
"Hey Eric, what you doing?" I was nervous as hell.
"Nothing"
"you know who this is?" I asked already knowing the answer, no.
"naw who is this?"
"Its Brooke."
"Brooke? Where I know you from?"
"WHAT?! You dont know me now. Its Brooke," I couldn't believe my ears. What a slap in the face!
"Naw I dont remember no Brooke's," he said.
"IIght let me call you back," i hung up.

I know that did not just happen. Was what I was thinking. How could he.
He called back. I had a special ring tone for him and my heart dropped when I heard it.
I didnt answer. I was pissed. So he called again. Yea I smiling from ear to ear. He must had something he really wanted to say.

"Hello," I answered.
"Man I was just playing with you why you hang up," he said. I was sooooooooo relieved.
"I said I was gone call you back," I said knowing I was never calling back.
"What you doing?"
"Nothing. Ain't nothing to do."

I really don't remember everything that was said but I do remember this.

"Well just call me when you free"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! the ultimate scream

"ok"

I was tooooo excited.

Soooo I saw him at the park again. His best friend was going to the store.
"Y'all want something?" his friend asked.
"Yea A bottle of Evian?" I was just shouting out stuff, "and a honey bun."
"I got a honey bun for yo ass," Eric said.
"Shut up," I said.
All day we kept saying little stuff like that to each other. I teased him about him playing basketball and he teased me about being skinny.
Can you say grade school flirting.

So I dropped my friend off at home and called him
"Why you leave us?"
"You still at the park?" he asked
"yea, and you just left us"
"You still at the park for real," he asked
"no I'm just playing, I just dropped Brittany off at home"
"What you about to do?"
"Nothing ain't nothing to do"
"yea its not nothing to do"
"that's cus you boring," i said joking
"naw yall the ones who dont drink."
"Yea I dont have to do that stuff to have fun"

and we talked and talked. I kept cracking jokes because that me! lol

"Im about to call Mike and see what he doing,"
"iight"

Oh yea
"I guess I'm about to go in the house," i said.

we kept saying stuff like that but neither one of us initiated that we should kick it. It was like we were waiting on each other to say it.
So I was driving down my block and I saw him turning the corner. If only I was a minute or two early.

Now the fairytale...or love story is over. I really like him and wanted to be with him. I really wish I coulda been his girlfriend. But now that a never happen so I'm trying to get over but I just start to remember everything. I really don't feel like typing everything that happened. I will finish one day. Eric and I always get into some type of drama together. I just wonder what the future holds.

GOD please no more bad luck, and drama, just goodness!