GOODBYE 08

08 WAS A GOOD YEAR FOR ME

+I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO SOMEONE I WAS IN LOVE WITH...WHO LATER TURNED OUT TO BE A JERK

+ I LOVE AND LOST

+MADE NEW FRIENDS..THAT I LOVE AND CHERISH

dont feel right

i feel as tho its coming to an end

I just read a post from oct 28 saying i had plans on hooking up with him on Halloween
& i did!!!

lol!
-im such a
-----dork

opps i did it again

Yes I hooked up wit Eric last night after a Halloween party
i texted him (lyrics) and from there...yea u already know
so he picked me up from in front of my house...im friend really wanted to see who he was
im like noooooo!!
so we went to his house....talked
watched videos
oh i still had on my costume
had 4 minute sex
like wat wat
he claimed that it felt soooooo good and sooooooo tight that he came super fast
I really couldnt believe it
but im like duh ur the only one thats been in it!!!!
but i didnt say that exactly
he was like "its like u aint done nothing...blah blah blah"
im like "yea i really havent"
I SHOULDA JUST SAID THE SHIT...LIKE LOOK U R THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!
I think he knows now tho
he should
i got to his house at like 310 didnt leave to after 5

he was like really into it tho....i think it was the coustume....yea like totally the coustume.
i was really feining and when he came that fast im like NOOOOO HOLD IT! STOP!!

there wont be a next time tho
I think im finally over him
thank ya jesus!

Now What?

OK Eric!
Yes him again!

I talked to Anthony last night and Eric was brought up
I said before we hooked up Eric was going around saying that I was supposed to be in love with him....like what???? What would make him think that shit?????
I swear i never did anything to even show how I felt for him.
&& if he does think that then he really must not care about me at all because he went around spreading the word

but I'm finally over him
I had plans on hooking up with him for one last time on Halloween but I guess I wont do that anymore.
Tho I really really want to
but I just gotta move on
Imma still fuck him up tho

I can't lie. I'm InLove with you

Yall know who im talking about Eric of course

I talked to him the other day
he called me at 11:50 pm
we talked for an hour 14 minutes and 46 seconds

Im a mess right?
I mean I dont understand what makes me so interested in this guy. Well he claims the guys around here who I thought were his friends dont like him very much. Thats why the rumor was going around. But I know thats now all true. Its because he couldnt keep shut up about it. He just had to go and brag.

I had seen him earlier that morning when I was on my way to work. He tried to run me over. I told him I couldnt stand him and I had alot to say but when he called I couldnt say nothing. I'm a sucker. plus my dad was in the next room so............

I really want to tell him tho. Tell him how I feel that he only cared about his own feelings
He never thought about how all this would affect me but telling everybody
how he is the ONLY person I have ever been with
& why I did hook up with him

Just to let ya know.....It a probably be happening again.
I dont try to make the same mistake twice but I want it.
of course im not going to anyone else but him
maybe next week sometime.
Can't wait! lol

Quiz

When you read this you should start from the beginning or you will never know what the fuck im talking about

I need a boyfriend somebody i can love, care about and hold in my arms.
I just need a dream
please.

Where have I been?
School.
Its very stressfull too

Eric
Come on you know you wanna know
He's really pissing me off!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKER

I have tons of homework
but im blogging

Anthony
Still my friend

Happy
Happy belated Birthday

Prince
Where the fuck are you
Can you buy me something?? :_)

I need a new life.
Where did mines go?

Friends wouldnt hurt either

I Almost 4got

OHHHHKAYYY
I almost 4got 2 tell you that Eric had the nerve to show up at my BDAY party!!!!
Like WTF!!!

All his friends were there.....Happy was there
I just wonder wat everybody was thinking

I know what i was thinking

:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA IM SO EFFING ILL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS DUDE IS FUNNY HAHAHAHA I HOPE HE STICK AROUND BCUS I GOTS SOME SHIT TO SAY HAHAHHAHAHAHA WAIT UNLIT I TELL MY FRIEND HAHAHAHA::

I should really have my own tv show.....things in my life just alway happen in order.

amazing right?

love it!

Oh & WT called him from my phone the other day...
he probably thought it was me....such a loser


I dont even care about him....i wonder if that pisses him off
he is really nothing to me

Jealousy

Alot of girls dont like me..
not bcus im a bad person or a 'bitch'
i really dont kno why
maybe its just jealousy
dont read my previous post and try to guess wat im like
because im nothing like wat i write

LALAla!

I just realized that i'm no longer a virgin...

ohhh watevah!!!!!

ummm.....

there's something slowly taking over my entire body....\\

wierd

i needs me a new boo...yea i kinda do

im crazy about AMY WINEHOUSE....

imma drink myself 2 death yay!

DONT ASK!

well mylife USED 2 be like a movie....now itz just a SAD as SOnG....a LOVE SONG

BLACK MAN SAVE ME!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TT JUNE

My Friend Says He Knows you Well

Well.

hi.

i'm back.

please accept me back.

ok.

now....

Eric told Anthony && the rest of his friends.

Suckx right?

I'm mad but at the same time im amused. He is really acting like some little boy.

Does he feel accomplished?

So I'm like denying this shit to the end. Like really. How could I ever admit to it.

So i was sitting in the car with Anthony one late night & we were talking about the whole situation. Happy drove down the block. He didnt see us.

Then Eric drove past nodding looking in the car.

Im like OMG! I hate him.

What happened never happened. Well as far as im concerned.

I dont regret it. It was well planned but I will beat his ass for telling.

So anywayz Friday the 13th i put a hex on him lol well at least i tried to

then the next day Anthony told me he say him and he brung it up and thats allllllll he was talking about....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

well i broke up with Prince....long story

he fell in love......short story

ummmmm

I gots me a job!! lol

ummmm

new boys new problems..

im doing a cleanse..

Would he care if 'she' was a prostitute...

Did i lose sleep?? naaaa

Kudos to Lil Wayne ;)

Dear.

A Friend of mines was killed Sat. morning by some guy who was trying to rob him.

He was only 23.

14!

Last Blog it was 10 guys.....now its like 14!!!!! LOL

Watever...its fun! I love action and attention! :)

IMMA STAR!!!

But Prince did get mad at me tho....and Anthony called me private and left a voicemail like "Brooke WHAT YOU ON HAHA"

I wish I would have answered bcus believe it or not I'm starting to MISS HIM!!!

I'm going to call Happy tomorrow!!

Nill

Well I'm starting to hate myself for hooking up with Eric because I was just looking at his picture on Facebook and realized he's not that hot at all. What ever.. I live with no regrets.

But now I'm feeling like there's no one out there for me. I may never fall in love because I don't like nobody. It a be things that I like about them but I never like them completely.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean i'm not in a rush to settle down. I'm not that type but shit!!! Where are the good guys. The Fun guys. The Hot guys. There's none!

or maybe itz just one....& i can't find him.

Now I'm like dating 10 guys at once. Plus I got a boyfriend!

Chain Reaction

There are alot of new guys in my life right now..

I feel bad for my boyfriend. Well it's this guy i meet named Von and I like him alot already (this never happens). I went to his house twice. He's like super cool and I made out with him. Yeah major. but yesterday when i was at his house I had no way to get home so Prince had to come and get me. I told him I was at my cousin's house. I don't think he believed me but he really had no choice. Von got a little jealous. He was like "you gone have fun tonight" I mean what other way was I suppose to get home. I just need for him to understand what type of girl I am. Or maybe I'm not that different from all the other females. I don't want to cheat but its hard for me not to. I'm not the settle down type and Prince is really starting to bore me. Tho i like him alot he irritates me from time to time. I like action, romance, passion, drama. I'm a fucking actress from Christ sake!!! I need excitement. He wanna come over today and I think its because he wants to "hook up" soooo not gonna happen. I really don't want to have sex with him.

Oh and I told Von that I only been with one person......i shoulda kept quite.

What do i wanna say??

I'm about to write a poem...haven't don't that in a while


ummmmmmmm....

its almost summer....hope its a good one.

did i tell you that i thought i was pregnant...LMAO

can money buy happiness???

well I'm about to find out...because i think it does ^^



i want to become a boxer...
well not really i cant stand being hit.
but i want to hit somebody...
because im angry



my mom thinks i'm crazy because i pop myself (with rubber bands)
that's just to calm me down when im upset..

im stressed!

Guess Who I saw yesterday...!

Happy!

NO! Eric duh!

Well I was walking to the store down the street. There was a whole lot of guys like hanging out. I wasn't sure if he was over there with them because I didn't want to look over there.

So anyways on my way out the store I rerouted because I looked a mess and there was a lose dog roaming the streets.

So anyways I was walking down the block and saw him leaving out of him grandmothers house. I'm like OMG! NO!...so i like put my hood on so he wouldn't see me.

He noticed it was me and then went back into the house. LMAO!

Like WTF.... how r we BOTH hiding from each other.

We might as well face it. I mean he lives like on the same block that I do. We hang with some of the same people. We hang out at the same places.

soooooo yea we should just get over it. or he should get over it at least cus i'm over it.

He really needs to grow up.

Like really be a man PLZ!

yep. yep. yep. :)

This is where I want to be.

I lOve that boy....

I got love for him shall I say....but I'm not in love with him. Nope.

Now I understand the part in the movie Pretty Woman..when she says that she don't kiss her customers.

That's the only thing that I remember the most, is the kiss. Not the sex we had but the fact that he kissed me. Everytime I think about it i get weak. Love weak. Like oh my god I wish I could kiss him all the time. Feeling his lips on mine. That kiss is the only thing that makes me want him. That kiss was a big deal to me. Bigger than the sex. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did he have to kiss me. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??

anywayz....

i hope he didnt tell Happy...or imma be in deep shit!

boy u make me wanna

grreat!

i feel nothing...i dont even feel like i cheated..i really dont.

crazy?? no i dont think so

i just lay and listen to songs that say everything that im thinking but wont say

p.s

my legs still hurt

Time.

yeaaa he still didnt call me....

but i know its not bcus he dont want to
he's scared....hes always scared and shy and nervous

he is really not who i thought...lol it's kinda funny now. I use to be in love with him, like seriously. Now that I was intimate with him i'm kinda lost. Like really lost. My feelings are not as strong because it took so much energy for me to get him. I always get what I ask for and I got it. I never kicked it with him solo and when I got the opportunity I did. He is alot different from what I expected. He is REALLY aggressive. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with him he would have forced me to. I really didn't have an opinion. Even though I did want it to happened, when I left my house that night I never intended on having sex with him. I just wanted to chill, then come back another day and hook up. He is really stronger than what he used to be. He lifts like hella weights now and I couldn't control him. He knew what he wanted when he called me that night, he knew. It didn't go the way I wanted. I'm a very visual person. I wanted it to be like in the movies. I wanted passion! I wanted to want him but I didn't. I did but I didn't. Never once did I think about Prince. I laid on my back while Eric was in between my legs thrusting uncontrollably. I moaned from pain not pleasure. I faked every moan and grunt. He talked the whole time. I laid there as the head board banged against his wall and he went faster and faster. He came in like 7 minutes. If that. I was probably the best he had in a while but only because I was super tight. Every man loves a new car with no miles that he can ride and take places that its never been. That's how I look at it. "i'm about to cum," he said. I wanted to cum. I wanted it to be over but at the same time I wanted it to last so I could experience my first 'big-O'.

Should I go back?
Not even I know what I will do.
I'm not attached to him in any way.
I hope he didn't think I would be a crazy virgin chick from hell that would stalk him.
No.
Not me.
I stalked him more before the sex..LOL
Only time will tell
I'm thinking about calling tomorrow..
So we will see.....


Stay tuned!

Can't Feel My Legs, Somebody Help Me

What a Night!!!


yea i never intended for it to go that far.......or maybe I did.
but do i regret it???
no not yet at least....

he called me...i returned his call.
we talked.
he asked me to come outside.
i did.
i got in the truck.
we talked.
we drove.
we sat in front of his house.
we talked.
we went into his house.
into his room.
he showed me pictures, clothes and shoes.
we watched tv.
he cut the lights off.
we wreslted.
we talked.
he kept trying to go up my shirt.
NO.
he kissed my neck.
he kissed my stomach.
he kissed my lips.
we talked.
i touched him.
he talked.
he kept trying to pull my jeans off.
he touched me.
he turned the tv off.
he took my jeans off.
he talked.
he touched me.
i got on top of him.
i kissed his neck and chest.
I'm done.
I rolled.
I layed down.
his fingers entered.
he tried to.
i told him to strap up.
he did.
he entered.
it hurted like hell.
i didnt complain.
do it hut.
no...im cool.
do it hurt.
no.
do it feel good.
yes.
you like it.
yes.
breathing.
im about to cum.
imma sleep all day.
thinking....
lays his head on my stomach.
i rub his head and ears.
what we do is between us. dont nobody gotta know.
dont tell nobody.
make sure you dont tell nobody.
let me know when u ready, cus i can lay here all day.
wat time is it.
3:40
wheres my jeans.
where my shirt.
gets dressed.
gets phones and purse.
can barley stand up.
we leave.
drives me home.
imma call you tomorrow ms. B
iight.

BULLSHIT!

I hooked up with Eric.

Like Just Right Now. :(

All Well....(Why Not!)

Well Prince gave me the best Valentines Day ever!!!.............

but i'm a bad person because i still want ERIC!

but now I got like a total different look on the whole thing.

Like i just want him for his tay! yep.

so should i call or text???

imma just call....im scared....sick....this is great.

i wish i could just like run into him...hmmmm

i need a miracle!!!

like seriously!

I've been thinking.....

Prince is really cool....but I dont know

he's ready to like go all the way..&& i so do not

want him to be my first....well my one and a half! (ha)

time for tears!

...we only live once so WHY NOT

that's my new little phrase to live by

why not.

like why shouldn't I love who I wanna love

Why not..

Cry out loud

Why not...

wear my heart on my sleeve

Why not...

tell him how I feel

why not..

smile :)

why not...

call him

why not...

sing LOUDLY

why not...

dress how I wanna!

why not...

ERIC HERE I COME!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

DONT FEAR ME!!

Quick Run Down...!

Ok,
remember the nightmare I had about my cousin hooking up with the guy I liked....totally came true
I'm sooo psyic...but i cant spell lol
&& my spell checks not working

ummmmm, Oh yea ERIC
um well Anthony told me that Eric had texed him like

why shorty text me at 2 in the morning

I guess he thought that was an open invite...but sooo not!

i mean I would love to hang out with him...but hook up??? umm not sure.

STOP BRAGGING!


hummmm...

i heart Eric

but im slowly losing interest...so cool!! finally the curse is leaving!! :)

I need rehab!!

UGH!

UUGHHHH

the little things that irratate me..

his laugh

how he had the music low in the car..ughhhim

continuosly asking me if I missed him

him being scared of a scary movie

his grunts

him breathing in my ear

his thumb rubbing my hand

the way he says 'cool' (cwel)

him wanting to kiss all the effing tyme

asking where have i been

wanting to kick it all the tyme

Ummm well the text that Eric sent me that night...I just realized he was still asking if I wanted to come outside...it was like 2:30AM!! tho

hmmmmmmmmmmmm...i hate my heart sometimes...

like why does it have to love???

I'm like wayyyyyy to attached to dude!!!

I think about him EVERYDAYYYY!!!!!!!!! ugggghhh!

Babble Jabble!

OOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkk....
Why did Eric tell Anthony I texted him back that night.
I only asked him if he called me...and he said yea he wanted to see if I was coming outside

Now Anthony hates me...be I honestly dont car as much bcus he always brings pettyness into my life.
Now i'm pissed at Eric....Why brag about it???

I really wish they would all just grow up && live their live outside of their phonebook!

kudos to Whitney!

So now its like...WHATEVER!

I cant catch a break really....so now if I do like hangout with Eric...im gonna make him feel guilty for everything... :)

THAT GOOD!

ok i started to get REAALLLLY irrataed with Prince, even before Anthony filled my head up with all his crazy talk. I mean he was right though...saying that Prince was gonna start pressuring me to have sex with him but i dont know. I think its the whole thing that I dont wanna lose my virginity to him. So I stop talking to him as much but I miss him now.



Sooooo Eric and Happy is like competing now to like be with me. Well at least hook up.

As much as I like Eric...Love Eric...I feel bad really. bcus he only wants to hook up && i want more.



He even called me last night to see if I was coming out!! AHHH! OHH EMMM GEEE!

Buts its making me think differently of him. He broke up with his girl AGAIN last night. but anywayz....



Lester, some fat guy told Happy and Eric that i was having sex so Happy was telling Eric about it. Happy was saying like I been dating her for almost 2 years, she need to stop playing and hook up. But the whole time Eric was thinking in his mind that he cant go and he gotta hook up with me first! DRAMATIC! Kay!



What is a girl suppose to do. I'm like inlove with Eric && i wonder from time to time if he even likes me. I mean more than just the sex....(that I probably will end up giving him)



Im so weak!



&& like 2 weeks ago i was suppose to like hang out with Eric at his house...but i went to a wack ass party instead...&& was pissed for like a week...didnt eat or sleep && almost passed out at Wal Mart.



Antony told me that i was inlove with Eric!! like How pysic!!!!!







ok i was like totally paranoid!!

like yesterday I kept itching (yea action parts)

Im like OMG!! I havent had sex...not even oral or anything its been like a year since any constact!!

So I start looking up like symptooms && stuff...thought it was Trich...

I was about to cry lol!

But found it it was just a side affect from my meds!

So not cool!!!!



thats why

READERS ARE LEADERS!!!



:)

Prince really likes me but all I can think about is................them. I mean I like him too its just i hate being smothered. && now i'm really starting to miss Happy && Eric :(

I need to just...........................................SCREAM OUT!!!!..I'm really bugging. Prince is super cool but he's always there and I'm growing bored. I like action! excitement! mediocre drama (nothing major please)! passion! romance!...&& this is starting to feel like a....friendship.

maybe if he would just spoil me like i like to be....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe

Boredom makes me do crazy things like...play with your heart, cheat, lead you on majorly.

its sick really but I just hate the staleness of things.

I need light!

or am i just bugging.

What he don't know is that I can't commit. Like really. This is the first time that i actually...well wait i didn't agree to be in a relationship with him.....yea but whatever.

I dreamed about Trey last night....naughty me right.

I need Superman BACK!!!! Real Talk! I realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy miss him. I just wanna hug him so tight and never let him go.

I wanna hug him so he can feel how i feel. just hold him so close that he can read my mind.

As for Prince. Hes coming over tomorrow && he's probably thinking we're gonna 'hook up' but honestly i don't even wanna touch him....I'm truly turned off by his begging.

GROSS!

I FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON :(

NEW YEAR OLD BULL


Ok now i feel like really bad...since Trey's friend Prince is like my boyfriend now..and me and Trey are like brother && sister...but I just cant stop thinkin about him...so now im trying to put him on with my friend..he thinks shes like super hot..but the whole time im still thinking about him....i mean i think imma end up hooking up with him b4 its over...and i hate myself for that bcus its probably just lust...but watever..im really into for some strange ass reason that i hate....im being super real right now just in case something do happen..i can always let Prince read this so he will know the truth...i really do like Prince..i like love this guy...he is SUPER COOL..i wouldnt wanna do nothing to hurt him but it can happen..so forgive me if something happens...im sorry...but its funny how he still ended up in my life...&& i thank God that i didnt get into nothing with him bcus then i wouldnt know Prince...but it is wat it is