Love Song

Bad Romance

2010-12-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

As I laid wrapped up in someone else's arms I was texting him. Expressing myself which is the tragedy of my life. What is the point of me expressing my love to a guy who only wants sex? I don't know. I have fallen into the same trap. As memories of Eric play in my mind, I think, I DON'T WANNA MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE. My God forgive me. I have actually been going crazy over this guy. Well I've known him for about 3 years now. He is soooooo fly. Yeah he is. We'll just call him Mikey for short :)

So he used always try to be in a relationship. Knowing little ole me, I always refuse "permanent" connections. I guess I'm a fling type girl? not really. But anyways, I have always like him. I just wanna post pics of us together on Facebook and Twitter lol the perfect social network couple. AWESOME!

Well he was in town a few weeks ago. Actually like right before Thanksgiving. I went to see him and I remembered that I used to like him alot. As we stood in the kitchen of his friend's condo and hugged I became lost. He was leaning against the refrigerator, I was standing in front of him. He held me, we kissed (never with tongue) and just rocked back and forth, you know. I was so in love for the moment. Prince was actually texting me while this was happening. Some things never change. Like PASSION.

So after this I was in class thinking about him and completely zoned out!! creepy right? Like my eyes closed and everything. I was completely lost in the thoughts of HIM!

(There's a moving on called Looking for Eric. Funny)

Well I texted Mikey last night
Convo:

Me: Mikey I wanna see you soon
Mikey: How soon
Me: Like 2moro, Saturday and Sunday like all 3 days lol
Mikey: word ?
Me: yea! well we prolly wont get to kick it everyday but im saying tho
Mikey: Why you in the mood outta no where
Me: Miiiikkkkeeeeyyyy. Well good question...I always try to see you tho
Mikey: You dont
Me: I be wanting to
Mikey: You coming by ya self
Me: Probably...more than likely.

dun du duunnnn

whyyyyy me? lol

Oh yea. Prince and I became friends again, I kinda fell in love then out of it. Eric is history. Yuck! What the hell was I thinking?! IDK where the hell Happy is. Anthony is trying to be in my life again. Did I tell you I cut him off completly? Larry is a father. Trey is a stranger now.

a year ago

2009-03-03T11:33:00.001-08:00

Just last year this day in the morning I was lying in Eric's bed as he thrusted uncontrolably inbetween my legs.....I was in lust with him.....savoring every moment...I tasted his skin he tasted mines...I tasted his mouth he tasted mine...I like kissing him....at times I cring at the thought of him inside me because I know he loved her the way he loved me that night...a whole year...why does it feel like 2 why do I lie and say its been 2.....I want 2 see him...I'm clean but its funny how I ended up wearing the same underwear this morning as a wore last year...my thoughts are still as impure as ever but who's next...who will I surrender 2 now.....whomever...I will enjoy it....I won't love him though I say I only lay with those I love...its only true so far.....

And I still love him

Freedom. Does not exist

2009-02-06T15:41:00.000-08:00

I don't blog as much as i used to. I wish i did though, because i like to come back and read about the stupid things that once interested me and does not exist in my life anymore. By me making this blog anonymous i have the freedom to speak exactly how i feel, without being ashamed. Freedom?

ok here's a story for you.

Its this guy, he used to message me on Myspace. We have mutual friends but I don't recall ever seeing him or meeting him in person. Well he's cute so i took interest. We really only talked about music and how he was "feeling me". So I naturally gave him my number. I mean we were talking over "MY" since forever.
He never called.

I really forgot about him. I mean he didn't make that much of an effort and I had a boyfriend at the time.. I think this was like a two year process. IDK..maybe just a year I can't remember.

So recently my friend was telling me about this guy that she's "talking" too. She was telling me that she like him..yada yada ya.

So we went to hang with him and his friends. Ok the guys she was talking about is like totally my type. Like she never date guys like him. She always go for the "gangster" guys.

So naturally he felt the same way...welll that i was his type...but wait theres more
sooo he was like checking me out or what not...Shit we were almosted dressed alike!! lol! No homo.

ok

but the lights went out and they made out..

Remember: I did think he was cute but I didn't "like" him. You know what I mean?

Next morning I had a message from that guy that used to send me messages along time ago...remember!?

ok

That was him the night before. He's the guy my friend "really likes"

Then I got a call from my OTHER friend she was telling me that he said he liked me he really wanted to talk to me and he didnt like my other friend, Ciara. He said he only known her 2 days. He wanted to talk to me.

My heart broke instantly for some reason.
I hated him
I wish he would have kept that to himself
then he kissed her???

He said he didnt kiss her she kissed him
HOW WEAK!!

sooo I started not to even read his message. But i did.
Maybe i'll post it here one day idk

but he told me he still liked me after i told him we could never be

BOYS R SO STUPID...I SWEAR

I didnt tell Ciara...for what?
Its wont change how he feels or how I feel

but maybe i should have

since she hooked up....had SEX with him within that same week!!!
WTF

Girls are whores

Where's my freedom ?

LAST NIGHT

2009-01-01T12:29:00.000-08:00

OKK...SO I BRUNG THE NEW YEAR IN WITH BOTH OF MY BOOS LOL
HERES THE DEAL..I'M DATING THIS GUY...HIS NAME IS AIR..HE'S CUTE OR WHATEVER SUPA COOL...SO I HUNG OUT WIT HIM ONE NIGHT AND MET HIS FRIEND..CLARK RIGHT...S0 WE HAD AN INSTANTE CONNECTION I SWEAR,...U COULD ASK HIM 2.....SOOO EVERY SINCE THAT NIGHT I LIKE TOTALLY MISSED HIM AND THOUGHT ABOUT HIM EVERY TIME I RODE PASS HIS HOUSE

SOOO I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS BRINGING HIM LAST NIGHT..HE HUGGED ME AS HE CAME INTO THE DOOR..AIR DIDNT
SOOO WE WAS ALL CHILLIN HE HAD GOOGLY EYES FOR ME LOL
AS THE NIGHT GOT OLDER...WE DRANK...HE KEEP TOUCHING ME AND SHIIIT
IM LIKE OH WOW
SO THE MAIN THINGS THAT HAPPENED...WELL HE SAID IMMA A PLAYA HE COULD TELL BY MY EAR RINGS..LOL
AND HE TOOK MY SHOES OFF GAVE ME A FOOT MASSAGE...LEG UP REMIND YOU I HAD ON A SUPER DUPER SHORT SKIRT...NO PROB THO HAD ON BETSY JOHNSON TIGHTS :)
SOOOO I WAS LAYING IN AIR'S ARMS THE WHOLE TIME..HE KEPT CRACKING JOKES
SO WE TALKED HE FLIRTED
THEN THEY WERE LEAVING...OH HE WATCHED ME
THEY HAD MY PHONE..IDK HOW..SO THEY CLARK BRUNG IT BAQ..I WENT TO THE DOOR...HE ASKED "WHERE YO COAT AT"
SO WE STOOD ON THE STAIRS AND TALKED
CLOSE FACE TO FACE BOTH DRUNK.....
SO AS AIR SAT IN THE CAR....ME AND CLARK WENT INTO THE KITCHEN AND TALKED TO MY FRIENDS...SO CONVO WENT SOMEWHERE ELSE...HE WAS TALKING ABOUT DONT TALK TO BULLSHIT GUYS...BASICLLY...SO NEXT THING THAT I KNOW HE HAD ME ON THE KITCHEN TABLE...LEGS UP HE WAS IN BETWEEN THEM..OMG

SO WHEN WE LEFT WE WERE GETTING IN THE CAR AIR WAS GETTING IN THE BACK SET SO I CAN SIT WIT HIM AND CLARK JUST KEPT TRYING TO GET ME TO SIT NEXT TO HIM..."SIT HERE...BROOKE SIT HERE" BUT I SAT IN THE BACK

SO GOT TO HIS PLACE I SWEPT HIS FLOORS LOL

I ASKED FOR HIS CAR KEY...HE GAVE MY A LITTLE ENVELOPE..IM LIKE "WHATS THIS"
HE SAID "ITS A KEY..SINCE YOU KNOW THE WAY NOW...YOU CAN COME BACK WHENEVER YOU WANT TO"
"GOOD ONE!"
"i KNOW YOU LIKED THAT RIGHT

GOODBYE 08

2008-12-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

08 WAS A GOOD YEAR FOR ME

+I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO SOMEONE I WAS IN LOVE WITH...WHO LATER TURNED OUT TO BE A JERK

+ I LOVE AND LOST

+MADE NEW FRIENDS..THAT I LOVE AND CHERISH

dont feel right

2008-12-01T08:50:00.001-08:00

i feel as tho its coming to an end

2008-11-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

I just read a post from oct 28 saying i had plans on hooking up with him on Halloween
& i did!!!

lol!
-im such a
-----dork

opps i did it again

2008-11-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yes I hooked up wit Eric last night after a Halloween party
i texted him (lyrics) and from there...yea u already know
so he picked me up from in front of my house...im friend really wanted to see who he was
im like noooooo!!
so we went to his house....talked
watched videos
oh i still had on my costume
had 4 minute sex
like wat wat
he claimed that it felt soooooo good and sooooooo tight that he came super fast
I really couldnt believe it
but im like duh ur the only one thats been in it!!!!
but i didnt say that exactly
he was like "its like u aint done nothing...blah blah blah"
im like "yea i really havent"
I SHOULDA JUST SAID THE SHIT...LIKE LOOK U R THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!
I think he knows now tho
he should
i got to his house at like 310 didnt leave to after 5

he was like really into it tho....i think it was the coustume....yea like totally the coustume.
i was really feining and when he came that fast im like NOOOOO HOLD IT! STOP!!

there wont be a next time tho
I think im finally over him
thank ya jesus!

Now What?

2008-10-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

OK Eric!
Yes him again!

I talked to Anthony last night and Eric was brought up
I said before we hooked up Eric was going around saying that I was supposed to be in love with him....like what???? What would make him think that shit?????
I swear i never did anything to even show how I felt for him.
&& if he does think that then he really must not care about me at all because he went around spreading the word

but I'm finally over him
I had plans on hooking up with him for one last time on Halloween but I guess I wont do that anymore.
Tho I really really want to
but I just gotta move on
Imma still fuck him up tho

I can't lie. I'm InLove with you

2008-10-11T12:35:00.001-07:00

Yall know who im talking about Eric of course

I talked to him the other day
he called me at 11:50 pm
we talked for an hour 14 minutes and 46 seconds

Im a mess right?
I mean I dont understand what makes me so interested in this guy. Well he claims the guys around here who I thought were his friends dont like him very much. Thats why the rumor was going around. But I know thats now all true. Its because he couldnt keep shut up about it. He just had to go and brag.

I had seen him earlier that morning when I was on my way to work. He tried to run me over. I told him I couldnt stand him and I had alot to say but when he called I couldnt say nothing. I'm a sucker. plus my dad was in the next room so............

I really want to tell him tho. Tell him how I feel that he only cared about his own feelings
He never thought about how all this would affect me but telling everybody
how he is the ONLY person I have ever been with
& why I did hook up with him

Just to let ya know.....It a probably be happening again.
I dont try to make the same mistake twice but I want it.
of course im not going to anyone else but him
maybe next week sometime.
Can't wait! lol

Quiz

2008-09-21T23:24:00.001-07:00

When you read this you should start from the beginning or you will never know what the fuck im talking about

I need a boyfriend somebody i can love, care about and hold in my arms.
I just need a dream
please.

Where have I been?
School.
Its very stressfull too

Eric
Come on you know you wanna know
He's really pissing me off!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKER

I have tons of homework
but im blogging

Anthony
Still my friend

Happy
Happy belated Birthday

Prince
Where the fuck are you
Can you buy me something?? :_)

I need a new life.
Where did mines go?

Friends wouldnt hurt either

I Almost 4got

2008-08-22T09:49:00.000-07:00

OHHHHKAYYY
I almost 4got 2 tell you that Eric had the nerve to show up at my BDAY party!!!!
Like WTF!!!

All his friends were there.....Happy was there
I just wonder wat everybody was thinking

I know what i was thinking

:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA IM SO EFFING ILL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS DUDE IS FUNNY HAHAHAHA I HOPE HE STICK AROUND BCUS I GOTS SOME SHIT TO SAY HAHAHHAHAHAHA WAIT UNLIT I TELL MY FRIEND HAHAHAHA::

I should really have my own tv show.....things in my life just alway happen in order.

amazing right?

love it!

Oh & WT called him from my phone the other day...
he probably thought it was me....such a loser

I dont even care about him....i wonder if that pisses him off
he is really nothing to me

Jealousy

2008-08-17T17:40:00.001-07:00

Alot of girls dont like me..
not bcus im a bad person or a 'bitch'
i really dont kno why
maybe its just jealousy
dont read my previous post and try to guess wat im like
because im nothing like wat i write

LALAla!

2008-07-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

I just realized that i'm no longer a virgin...

ohhh watevah!!!!!

ummm.....

there's something slowly taking over my entire body....\\

wierd

i needs me a new boo...yea i kinda do

im crazy about AMY WINEHOUSE....

imma drink myself 2 death yay!

DONT ASK!

well mylife USED 2 be like a movie....now itz just a SAD as SOnG....a LOVE SONG

BLACK MAN SAVE ME!!!!

2008-06-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TT JUNE

My Friend Says He Knows you Well

2008-06-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well.

hi.

i'm back.

please accept me back.

ok.

now....

Eric told Anthony && the rest of his friends.

Suckx right?

I'm mad but at the same time im amused. He is really acting like some little boy.

Does he feel accomplished?

So I'm like denying this shit to the end. Like really. How could I ever admit to it.

So i was sitting in the car with Anthony one late night & we were talking about the whole situation. Happy drove down the block. He didnt see us.

Then Eric drove past nodding looking in the car.

Im like OMG! I hate him.

What happened never happened. Well as far as im concerned.

I dont regret it. It was well planned but I will beat his ass for telling.

So anywayz Friday the 13th i put a hex on him lol well at least i tried to

then the next day Anthony told me he say him and he brung it up and thats allllllll he was talking about....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

well i broke up with Prince....long story

he fell in love......short story

ummmmm

I gots me a job!! lol

ummmm

new boys new problems..

im doing a cleanse..

Would he care if 'she' was a prostitute...

Did i lose sleep?? naaaa

Kudos to Lil Wayne ;)

Dear.

2008-05-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

A Friend of mines was killed Sat. morning by some guy who was trying to rob him.

He was only 23.

14!

2008-04-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

Last Blog it was 10 guys.....now its like 14!!!!! LOL

Watever...its fun! I love action and attention! :)

IMMA STAR!!!

But Prince did get mad at me tho....and Anthony called me private and left a voicemail like "Brooke WHAT YOU ON HAHA"

I wish I would have answered bcus believe it or not I'm starting to MISS HIM!!!

I'm going to call Happy tomorrow!!

Nill

2008-04-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well I'm starting to hate myself for hooking up with Eric because I was just looking at his picture on Facebook and realized he's not that hot at all. What ever.. I live with no regrets.

But now I'm feeling like there's no one out there for me. I may never fall in love because I don't like nobody. It a be things that I like about them but I never like them completely.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean i'm not in a rush to settle down. I'm not that type but shit!!! Where are the good guys. The Fun guys. The Hot guys. There's none!

or maybe itz just one....& i can't find him.

Now I'm like dating 10 guys at once. Plus I got a boyfriend!

Chain Reaction

2008-04-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

There are alot of new guys in my life right now..

I feel bad for my boyfriend. Well it's this guy i meet named Von and I like him alot already (this never happens). I went to his house twice. He's like super cool and I made out with him. Yeah major. but yesterday when i was at his house I had no way to get home so Prince had to come and get me. I told him I was at my cousin's house. I don't think he believed me but he really had no choice. Von got a little jealous. He was like "you gone have fun tonight" I mean what other way was I suppose to get home. I just need for him to understand what type of girl I am. Or maybe I'm not that different from all the other females. I don't want to cheat but its hard for me not to. I'm not the settle down type and Prince is really starting to bore me. Tho i like him alot he irritates me from time to time. I like action, romance, passion, drama. I'm a fucking actress from Christ sake!!! I need excitement. He wanna come over today and I think its because he wants to "hook up" soooo not gonna happen. I really don't want to have sex with him.

Oh and I told Von that I only been with one person......i shoulda kept quite.

What do i wanna say??

2008-03-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm about to write a poem...haven't don't that in a while

ummmmmmmm....

its almost summer....hope its a good one.

did i tell you that i thought i was pregnant...LMAO

can money buy happiness???

well I'm about to find out...because i think it does ^^

i want to become a boxer...
well not really i cant stand being hit.
but i want to hit somebody...
because im angry

my mom thinks i'm crazy because i pop myself (with rubber bands)
that's just to calm me down when im upset..

im stressed!

Guess Who I saw yesterday...!

2008-03-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Happy!

NO! Eric duh!

Well I was walking to the store down the street. There was a whole lot of guys like hanging out. I wasn't sure if he was over there with them because I didn't want to look over there.

So anyways on my way out the store I rerouted because I looked a mess and there was a lose dog roaming the streets.

So anyways I was walking down the block and saw him leaving out of him grandmothers house. I'm like OMG! NO!...so i like put my hood on so he wouldn't see me.

He noticed it was me and then went back into the house. LMAO!

Like WTF.... how r we BOTH hiding from each other.

We might as well face it. I mean he lives like on the same block that I do. We hang with some of the same people. We hang out at the same places.

soooooo yea we should just get over it. or he should get over it at least cus i'm over it.

He really needs to grow up.

Like really be a man PLZ!

yep. yep. yep. :)

This is where I want to be.

I lOve that boy....

2008-03-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

I got love for him shall I say....but I'm not in love with him. Nope.

Now I understand the part in the movie Pretty Woman..when she says that she don't kiss her customers.

That's the only thing that I remember the most, is the kiss. Not the sex we had but the fact that he kissed me. Everytime I think about it i get weak. Love weak. Like oh my god I wish I could kiss him all the time. Feeling his lips on mine. That kiss is the only thing that makes me want him. That kiss was a big deal to me. Bigger than the sex. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did he have to kiss me. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??

anywayz....

i hope he didnt tell Happy...or imma be in deep shit!

boy u make me wanna

2008-03-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

grreat!

i feel nothing...i dont even feel like i cheated..i really dont.

crazy?? no i dont think so

i just lay and listen to songs that say everything that im thinking but wont say

p.s

2008-03-05T01:24:00.000-08:00

my legs still hurt

Time.

2008-03-05T00:18:00.000-08:00

yeaaa he still didnt call me....

but i know its not bcus he dont want to
he's scared....hes always scared and shy and nervous

he is really not who i thought...lol it's kinda funny now. I use to be in love with him, like seriously. Now that I was intimate with him i'm kinda lost. Like really lost. My feelings are not as strong because it took so much energy for me to get him. I always get what I ask for and I got it. I never kicked it with him solo and when I got the opportunity I did. He is alot different from what I expected. He is REALLY aggressive. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with him he would have forced me to. I really didn't have an opinion. Even though I did want it to happened, when I left my house that night I never intended on having sex with him. I just wanted to chill, then come back another day and hook up. He is really stronger than what he used to be. He lifts like hella weights now and I couldn't control him. He knew what he wanted when he called me that night, he knew. It didn't go the way I wanted. I'm a very visual person. I wanted it to be like in the movies. I wanted passion! I wanted to want him but I didn't. I did but I didn't. Never once did I think about Prince. I laid on my back while Eric was in between my legs thrusting uncontrollably. I moaned from pain not pleasure. I faked every moan and grunt. He talked the whole time. I laid there as the head board banged against his wall and he went faster and faster. He came in like 7 minutes. If that. I was probably the best he had in a while but only because I was super tight. Every man loves a new car with no miles that he can ride and take places that its never been. That's how I look at it. "i'm about to cum," he said. I wanted to cum. I wanted it to be over but at the same time I wanted it to last so I could experience my first 'big-O'.

Should I go back?
Not even I know what I will do.
I'm not attached to him in any way.
I hope he didn't think I would be a crazy virgin chick from hell that would stalk him.
No.
Not me.
I stalked him more before the sex..LOL
Only time will tell
I'm thinking about calling tomorrow..
So we will see.....

Stay tuned!

Can't Feel My Legs, Somebody Help Me

2008-03-03T16:38:00.000-08:00

What a Night!!!

yea i never intended for it to go that far.......or maybe I did.
but do i regret it???
no not yet at least....

he called me...i returned his call.
we talked.
he asked me to come outside.
i did.
i got in the truck.
we talked.
we drove.
we sat in front of his house.
we talked.
we went into his house.
into his room.
he showed me pictures, clothes and shoes.
we watched tv.
he cut the lights off.
we wreslted.
we talked.
he kept trying to go up my shirt.
NO.
he kissed my neck.
he kissed my stomach.
he kissed my lips.
we talked.
i touched him.
he talked.
he kept trying to pull my jeans off.
he touched me.
he turned the tv off.
he took my jeans off.
he talked.
he touched me.
i got on top of him.
i kissed his neck and chest.
I'm done.
I rolled.
I layed down.
his fingers entered.
he tried to.
i told him to strap up.
he did.
he entered.
it hurted like hell.
i didnt complain.
do it hut.
no...im cool.
do it hurt.
no.
do it feel good.
yes.
you like it.
yes.
breathing.
im about to cum.
imma sleep all day.
thinking....
lays his head on my stomach.
i rub his head and ears.
what we do is between us. dont nobody gotta know.
dont tell nobody.
make sure you dont tell nobody.
let me know when u ready, cus i can lay here all day.
wat time is it.
3:40
wheres my jeans.
where my shirt.
gets dressed.
gets phones and purse.
can barley stand up.
we leave.
drives me home.
imma call you tomorrow ms. B
iight.

BULLSHIT!

2008-03-03T02:18:00.000-08:00

I hooked up with Eric.

Like Just Right Now. :(

All Well....(Why Not!)

2008-02-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

Well Prince gave me the best Valentines Day ever!!!.............

but i'm a bad person because i still want ERIC!

but now I got like a total different look on the whole thing.

Like i just want him for his tay! yep.

so should i call or text???

imma just call....im scared....sick....this is great.

i wish i could just like run into him...hmmmm

i need a miracle!!!

like seriously!

I've been thinking.....

Prince is really cool....but I dont know

he's ready to like go all the way..&& i so do not

want him to be my first....well my one and a half! (ha)

time for tears!

...we only live once so WHY NOT

that's my new little phrase to live by

why not.

like why shouldn't I love who I wanna love

Why not..

Cry out loud

Why not...

wear my heart on my sleeve

Why not...

tell him how I feel

why not..

smile :)

why not...

call him

why not...

sing LOUDLY

why not...

dress how I wanna!

why not...

ERIC HERE I COME!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

DONT FEAR ME!!

Quick Run Down...!

2008-02-13T14:38:00.001-08:00

Ok,
remember the nightmare I had about my cousin hooking up with the guy I liked....totally came true
I'm sooo psyic...but i cant spell lol
&& my spell checks not working

ummmmm, Oh yea ERIC
um well Anthony told me that Eric had texed him like

why shorty text me at 2 in the morning

I guess he thought that was an open invite...but sooo not!

i mean I would love to hang out with him...but hook up??? umm not sure.

STOP BRAGGING!

hummmm...

i heart Eric

but im slowly losing interest...so cool!! finally the curse is leaving!! :)

I need rehab!!

UGH!

2008-02-13T14:19:00.000-08:00

UUGHHHH

the little things that irratate me..

his laugh

how he had the music low in the car..ughhhim

continuosly asking me if I missed him

him being scared of a scary movie

his grunts

him breathing in my ear

his thumb rubbing my hand

the way he says 'cool' (cwel)

him wanting to kiss all the effing tyme

asking where have i been

wanting to kick it all the tyme

2008-02-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

Ummm well the text that Eric sent me that night...I just realized he was still asking if I wanted to come outside...it was like 2:30AM!! tho

hmmmmmmmmmmmm...i hate my heart sometimes...

like why does it have to love???

I'm like wayyyyyy to attached to dude!!!

I think about him EVERYDAYYYY!!!!!!!!! ugggghhh!

Babble Jabble!

2008-02-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

OOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkk....
Why did Eric tell Anthony I texted him back that night.
I only asked him if he called me...and he said yea he wanted to see if I was coming outside

Now Anthony hates me...be I honestly dont car as much bcus he always brings pettyness into my life.
Now i'm pissed at Eric....Why brag about it???

I really wish they would all just grow up && live their live outside of their phonebook!

kudos to Whitney!

So now its like...WHATEVER!

I cant catch a break really....so now if I do like hangout with Eric...im gonna make him feel guilty for everything... :)

THAT GOOD!

2008-02-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

ok i started to get REAALLLLY irrataed with Prince, even before Anthony filled my head up with all his crazy talk. I mean he was right though...saying that Prince was gonna start pressuring me to have sex with him but i dont know. I think its the whole thing that I dont wanna lose my virginity to him. So I stop talking to him as much but I miss him now.

Sooooo Eric and Happy is like competing now to like be with me. Well at least hook up.

As much as I like Eric...Love Eric...I feel bad really. bcus he only wants to hook up && i want more.

He even called me last night to see if I was coming out!! AHHH! OHH EMMM GEEE!

Buts its making me think differently of him. He broke up with his girl AGAIN last night. but anywayz....

Lester, some fat guy told Happy and Eric that i was having sex so Happy was telling Eric about it. Happy was saying like I been dating her for almost 2 years, she need to stop playing and hook up. But the whole time Eric was thinking in his mind that he cant go and he gotta hook up with me first! DRAMATIC! Kay!

What is a girl suppose to do. I'm like inlove with Eric && i wonder from time to time if he even likes me. I mean more than just the sex....(that I probably will end up giving him)

Im so weak!

&& like 2 weeks ago i was suppose to like hang out with Eric at his house...but i went to a wack ass party instead...&& was pissed for like a week...didnt eat or sleep && almost passed out at Wal Mart.

Antony told me that i was inlove with Eric!! like How pysic!!!!!

ok i was like totally paranoid!!

like yesterday I kept itching (yea action parts)

Im like OMG!! I havent had sex...not even oral or anything its been like a year since any constact!!

So I start looking up like symptooms && stuff...thought it was Trich...

I was about to cry lol!

But found it it was just a side affect from my meds!

So not cool!!!!

thats why

READERS ARE LEADERS!!!

:)

2008-01-21T23:43:00.000-08:00

Prince really likes me but all I can think about is................them. I mean I like him too its just i hate being smothered. && now i'm really starting to miss Happy && Eric :(

I need to just...........................................SCREAM OUT!!!!..I'm really bugging. Prince is super cool but he's always there and I'm growing bored. I like action! excitement! mediocre drama (nothing major please)! passion! romance!...&& this is starting to feel like a....friendship.

maybe if he would just spoil me like i like to be....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe

Boredom makes me do crazy things like...play with your heart, cheat, lead you on majorly.

its sick really but I just hate the staleness of things.

I need light!

or am i just bugging.

What he don't know is that I can't commit. Like really. This is the first time that i actually...well wait i didn't agree to be in a relationship with him.....yea but whatever.

I dreamed about Trey last night....naughty me right.

I need Superman BACK!!!! Real Talk! I realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy miss him. I just wanna hug him so tight and never let him go.

I wanna hug him so he can feel how i feel. just hold him so close that he can read my mind.

As for Prince. Hes coming over tomorrow && he's probably thinking we're gonna 'hook up' but honestly i don't even wanna touch him....I'm truly turned off by his begging.

GROSS!

I FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON :(

2008-01-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

NEW YEAR OLD BULL

Ok now i feel like really bad...since Trey's friend Prince is like my boyfriend now..and me and Trey are like brother && sister...but I just cant stop thinkin about him...so now im trying to put him on with my friend..he thinks shes like super hot..but the whole time im still thinking about him....i mean i think imma end up hooking up with him b4 its over...and i hate myself for that bcus its probably just lust...but watever..im really into for some strange ass reason that i hate....im being super real right now just in case something do happen..i can always let Prince read this so he will know the truth...i really do like Prince..i like love this guy...he is SUPER COOL..i wouldnt wanna do nothing to hurt him but it can happen..so forgive me if something happens...im sorry...but its funny how he still ended up in my life...&& i thank God that i didnt get into nothing with him bcus then i wouldnt know Prince...but it is wat it is

Where am I??

2007-11-14T11:47:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to start.....

Its been a while since i posted something....

Maybe I got to caught up into my You Tube blog....

Ok its this guy..I've been "talking" to for like 3 or 4 weeks now...&& he's like SUPER cool.
He always say I'm to good to be true...but he's to good to be true.
&& I'm really starting to like him...but i am to good to be true bcus guess what

HE'S TREYS FRIEND!

:(
OK i like officially hate myself now...i hope Trey gets like so high he completely COMPLETELY forgets about me...

just my luck right *tear*

oh yea and some guy that dresses like Superman from time to time likes me! lol
SUPERMAN???? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

oh yea I cut Anthony off completely...&& it feels soooooo GOOD!

2007-10-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

TREY DAY IN STORES NOW!!!!

Trey Songz CD is HOT!!!

so go get one PLEASE!!

I saw Eric today. He looked like a bum lol

I still wub him :(

He said hi to me which was good!

I made my friend walk down the street and say something to him. ;)

he tried to stunt in his new car! (a rental like i couldnt tell)

I still wub him :(

it hurts that I did once really like him and now he is happy with somebody else. COOL.

I just wanna know WHY do I feel so strong for him? Like whats soo special about him that makes ME..ME like HIM so much...

ANY WAYZ

TREY DAY IN STORES NOW!!!

I heart Youtube

Where am I??

2007-09-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

I no longer have friends!!
yeaaa..i'll explain one day

but yea...I dont really write on here anymore because I GOT A YOUTUBE BLOG NOW!!!!
YAY!

I'm no longer looking for love because..it just don't exist
unfortunately

NEW

2007-09-21T23:40:00.000-07:00

Since I just got a new layout I figured I would post something new!!

I'm doing all NEW things with my life.

You only life once && they say the best things in life are free.

I'm about to get myself together.

I'm thinking about becoming a vegan....(i'm not sure how thats gonna work out but hell it's worth a shot)

>>>>>>>>>>>> Isn't he HOT!! All those tats. I like his music too. Its cool and NEW to me. Look him up on Myspace his name is TYGA..Sexy riiii..yea I kno ;=)

I'm allergic to wheat.....HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO SURVIVE????

I guess I'll starve myself..

Speaking of starving.....

I'm 5'7 127 pounds (i use to be 118 like 2 months ago)

I like I'm FAT..I am really..127=HUGE!

now do i have a eating disorder???

I mean I eat..I just don't want to. or if I'm out with friends I don't eat.

I'm allergic to wheat anyways soooo that might help if I don't eat as much seeing that everything I eat is BREADED =(

LYRICS TO L.L.L {Listen. Love. Learn}

Good Life Kanye West

[Kanye West]

Like we always do at this timeI go for mine

I got to shine

Now throw your hands up in the skyI g-go for mine,

I got to shine

Now throw your hands up in the sky

Welcome to the good life

Where nigga's that sell D

Won't even get pulled over in they new V

The good life, let's go on a living' spree

Shit they say the best things in life are free

The good life, it feel like Atlanta

It feel like L.A., it feel like Miami

It feel like N.Y., summertime Chi, ahh

(Now throw your hands up in the sky)

So I roll through good

Y'all pop the trunk, I pop the hood, Ferrari

And she got the goods

And she got that ass, I got to look, sorry

Yo it's got to be cause I'm seasoned

Haters give me them salty looks, Lowry's

50 told me go 'head switch the style up

And if they hate then let 'em hateAnd watch the money pile up, the good life

I'm Not Emo...I Promise

2007-09-21T23:03:00.000-07:00

HELLO STRANGER THAT READS THIS,

I'm Brooke. I'm 19. I live in the city but it feels like the contry sometimes. I love love. I'm single. I'm addicted to music. I don't feel real good about myself right now. Its time for a change. I'm ready for new life or my real life to start.......but meanwhile my old life still exists and so does the people that live in it with me.

I saw Eric's car today...yeah just his car. I was on my way home and I had to drive past his house. Looks like he was having a party. It was people everywhere. I didnt look at him. My sister said she saw him but I couldnt look at him. I hid. I don't want him to see me.

Evan- I saw him too.

Vegan.....should I??

Penny. FACEBOOK: JADEN

2007-09-17T11:41:00.001-07:00

Ok its this guy named Jaden or JD that I use to like in high school. I never told him tho. And I use to date his friend but that's after we graduated.

When I'm bored I tend to start conversations with this guys and flirt alot. But flirt that's it. I never intend for anything to actually happen.

I wouldn't mind hooking up with JD but I don't want to be another notch on his belt. Hes a slut lol

Well on facebook I wrote happy birthday on his wall and he took it upon himself to send me a message.

Here's our convo:

Jaden
8:01pm September 15th
Thank u! What u got 4 me? Lol!
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke
1:33am September 16th
lolits nothing i can get youyou got everything dont you

Jaden
1:47am September 16th
I aint got u
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke
1:57am September 16th
yea i kno..maybe one day you a have me

Jaden

1:58am September 16th
I cant wait to one day
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke

2:00am September 16th
i cant wait either

Jaden
2:01am September 16th
So what dat mean
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke

2:04am September 16th
that just means hopefully one day we can kick and if not then we just don't

Jaden

2:07am September 16th
Naw it aint no if we dont we dont! We is!
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke
2:08am September 16th
lol yea it sounds good

Jaden

2:09am September 16th
Im 4real!
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke
2:12am September 16th
iight then...i believe you

Jaden
2:12am September 16th
When u free
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke
2:15am September 16th
naw when you free?? but it really depends on if i gotta work or not

Jaden

2:16am September 16th
Im free now whatup
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke

2:21am September 16th
naw not tonight..its been a long day

Jaden

2:22am September 16th
Yeah i guess
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke

2:26am September 16th
sooo wat u doing for your birthday

Jaden

2:28am September 16th
I was tryna do u! Lol
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Brooke

2:32am September 16th
LOL..sorry =(

Brooke
2:37am September 16th
i a make it up to youbut im bout to go to sleep

Jaden
2:38am September 16th
Iight goodnite
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jaden

Today at 6:18am
I aint got u
Sent via Facebook Mobile

I shoulda hooked up with him!!!!

LOL

Just kiddin ;)

Well...

I talked to Anthony yesterday for the first time in like a month. He asked me if I missed him. I said "Should I?"

I mean really. How could I miss him.

Oh yeah. and Vick is such a loser.

I'm doing new things in my life. Trying to introduce new thing into my life. Meaning OUT WITH THE OLD. like some of my friends.

My friend Brittany is a liar and a fake. I just found that out. I hate liars with a passion so I don't associate with them. Now I rarely talk to her. I don't trust her and never will. She is only a wanna be and a fit in and that's the worse. Soooo shes dead to me.

OH YEA. I dyed my hair!

2007-09-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well Brittany made white chicks look bad with this one performance. I mean she was once like the HOTTEST white chick and she could dance. Now....well what can I say? Everyone knows.

WHY did she wear that?! She should have covered up, her body was soooooo not ready yet!!

Then Kid Rock and Tommy Lee got into a fight. Like what?! Is the VMA's turning into the Source Awards? White people gone wild! lol

Well I think Brittany can recoup. I really like her new song! Its HOT!!

Kanye West CD is sooooooooo fucking HOT!!!

Text/Kanye West

2007-09-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Anthony sent me a text

"Brooke I miss you!!!"

Did he really expect me to respone back! I hope not.

Everytime I think about calling him back or responding back to his texts,

I remember everything he put me through, everything he said, and all the things he done to me.

I'm sooo done with him.

But anywayz..

I havent had a "boyfriend" in almost a year now.

and I REALLY want one. It sucks really!!

Its starting to make me want guys that I use to date.

Like I hated them a few months ago but now I wish they would call.

on the flip side

KANYE WEST CD INSTORES TODAY!!!!! [9/11]

yay!!!

GO GET IT

NIGHT MARE

2007-09-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

yeaa..
ok remember that guy i wrote about, that my cousin liked only because I do. Well we were sitting on the stairs and he asked me like what type of guys i like. I was telling him. oh yea wat brought us to the subject. Well we were at like this get together that turned out HUGH. It was in a parking lot it had to be over a hundred people. Well a fight broke out and some guys tried to fight him, (oh yea his name is Evan) well he was wearing this backpack which had something valuable in it. What? I have no clue. So they started to like jump on him. I saved the backpack lol. So he ended up getting away. With the help of me and there were these stairs that led to nowhere really. I guess they lead to the sky. We started like running up the stairs. Its weird but he ended up on one side of the stairs and I ended up on the other. You know how stair cases are. one side going down and the other going up. well anyways. He was like behind some gate on the other side. We were talking and somehow my cousin's name was brought up.
"That's my cousin," i told him.
"Can you hook us up?" Evan asked me.
ok like WTF!
I told him how much I hated guys my age because they were immature and almost always tried to talk to girl wayyy younger than they are. Come on now. He's 19 and shes 15. I don't know about anyone else but that's a huge age difference to me.

But anyways. I'm glad it was only a nightmare!
yes it was a dream!

Numb.

2007-09-06T12:43:00.001-07:00

I just wish i could find somebody that I actually LIKE.

its this guy Vick I use to date along time ago. like last year.
he was just to jealous. He use to cuss me out on my voicemail if i didnt answer or call when i said i would.
lol. he's funny
but we just got back intouch. & no im not about to start back dating him. just friends.
hes cool tho..his into music. hes in a band or watever.
but we'll see

Feels Like Forever

2007-09-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything in a while. Much hasn't really been going on.
Anthony called me like 2 days ago
I didnt answer

Im sooooo done with him

now I'm just looking for someone to love me.

its this guy that lives around my house that I like but theres only one problem
he lives around my house

I got a job!! :)
yay!

ummmmmmm....

my lifes pretty boring right now

but my friends got alot of drama going on

well Ciara
shes dating this younger guy.
she already hooked up with him.
now some girl is saying hes her boyfriend

Brittany
is going through some major love triangle
he likes this guy that her friend likes but brittany made out with the guy at her friends party
now she hates her
and she made out with another guy her friend likes but he was origanlly just both of their friend

yea i kno...i dont get it either

i wonder wat erics doing right now
i heard him and his girlfriend are back together

i know this may sound evil but even tho i didnt break them up on purpose
i wish they would break up
i wish that was enough to make them never talk to each other again
i want him all to myself and i cant have him if they broke up or not but i just dont want him with her
is that bad?
i wish he wasnt so soft and didnt let her run all over him
shes just a peasent and im the motherfucking princess!!
lol

Can you spell s.t.r.e.s.s.

2007-08-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

College is not for the poor...or the rich!

well well well

2007-08-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to see the bigger picture....Everything is soooo much clearer now.

and tell me why???

I was driving I had my friend with me. I was like I should show you Eric's car. (he got it painted because his girlfriend scratched it up)
"That's him in front of us!!!" i said.

it looked like he was in the car alone.

"he in there by his self," Brittany said.

and as she said that we saw a head pop up.

what!! blow job!! lol

get some brain in the front seat of the Hummer, huh? lol

Flashback #2: I love Eric

2007-08-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking, remembering when I actually liked Eric and he felt the same way about me.

I was at the park with my friends and he was there. He gave me his number. I didn't call.

I saw him at the park and he was flirting. I didnt think much of it.

So one night I was at the park me and my friends and he was flirting MAJORLY.
It was still kinda cold out side so I had on a jacket and my skull and bone scarf that I always wear and it was hanging outside the bottom of my jacket.
He was pulling on it.

"I thought that was a belt," he said
Then he started going in my jeans pockets (can you say free fills lol)
Of course I flirted back because I alllwwwaayyysss liked him.
So me and my friend was talking about how we be at the club.
"Brooke always doing that little roll, do yo roll for Eric," she said pretty much instigating.
"She scared of me"
"I am not scared of you"
He kept putting his fingers in my belt loops. We was all hugged up and everything.
I just wanna cry now remembering.

Like one time we were at the park. He was checking me out looking me up and down. He always say stuff like I'm skinny.
"I be back"
"Where you going?" he asked.
"I'm hungry. I'm about go home and eat a fork of spaghetti," I said joking but I was serious.
"Naw folks you need to eat more than that. Eat a couple plates."
"Whatever," I said as I walked off smiling.
I looked back giving him the "eyes"

When I came back he was driving back into the park and stuck his tongue out at me and I did it back
OMG!!! I loved that boy crazy!

After the night of flirting I felt confident enough to call him up. I think it was like the next day or a few days later or something.
I was sitting in my moms car and I called him.

"Hello," he answered.
"Hey Eric, what you doing?" I was nervous as hell.
"Nothing"
"you know who this is?" I asked already knowing the answer, no.
"naw who is this?"
"Its Brooke."
"Brooke? Where I know you from?"
"WHAT?! You dont know me now. Its Brooke," I couldn't believe my ears. What a slap in the face!
"Naw I dont remember no Brooke's," he said.
"IIght let me call you back," i hung up.

I know that did not just happen. Was what I was thinking. How could he.
He called back. I had a special ring tone for him and my heart dropped when I heard it.
I didnt answer. I was pissed. So he called again. Yea I smiling from ear to ear. He must had something he really wanted to say.

"Hello," I answered.
"Man I was just playing with you why you hang up," he said. I was sooooooooo relieved.
"I said I was gone call you back," I said knowing I was never calling back.
"What you doing?"
"Nothing. Ain't nothing to do."

I really don't remember everything that was said but I do remember this.

"Well just call me when you free"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! the ultimate scream

"ok"

I was tooooo excited.

Soooo I saw him at the park again. His best friend was going to the store.
"Y'all want something?" his friend asked.
"Yea A bottle of Evian?" I was just shouting out stuff, "and a honey bun."
"I got a honey bun for yo ass," Eric said.
"Shut up," I said.
All day we kept saying little stuff like that to each other. I teased him about him playing basketball and he teased me about being skinny.
Can you say grade school flirting.

So I dropped my friend off at home and called him
"Why you leave us?"
"You still at the park?" he asked
"yea, and you just left us"
"You still at the park for real," he asked
"no I'm just playing, I just dropped Brittany off at home"
"What you about to do?"
"Nothing ain't nothing to do"
"yea its not nothing to do"
"that's cus you boring," i said joking
"naw yall the ones who dont drink."
"Yea I dont have to do that stuff to have fun"

and we talked and talked. I kept cracking jokes because that me! lol

"Im about to call Mike and see what he doing,"
"iight"

Oh yea
"I guess I'm about to go in the house," i said.

we kept saying stuff like that but neither one of us initiated that we should kick it. It was like we were waiting on each other to say it.
So I was driving down my block and I saw him turning the corner. If only I was a minute or two early.

Now the fairytale...or love story is over. I really like him and wanted to be with him. I really wish I coulda been his girlfriend. But now that a never happen so I'm trying to get over but I just start to remember everything. I really don't feel like typing everything that happened. I will finish one day. Eric and I always get into some type of drama together. I just wonder what the future holds.

GOD please no more bad luck, and drama, just goodness!

How to deal

2007-08-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

with STRESS

ok i pretty much zoned out since yesterday. i haven't talked to my friends in days and the keep calling. I really just wanna block all communication from the outside world. Sit around in this house and rot to death. Just my luck huh? No school! WHY MEEEEEEE

ok breath

soo i wrote a song last night. tried to record it today and hated how it sounded. I just cant get into it and its pissing me off!

now I dont know if I should call my friends back or not.
cus i really dont wanna talk about it

Im trying to hold it in. I say to my self "stop being a cry baby, dont cry, dont cry"
but i really want to go back to school.

now im waiting on a miracle

DONATE TO THE POOR!! ME!!!

lol! im serious

College Cry Baby

2007-08-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

How could this happen to me now?

I got on the computer to check my loan status. School starts in two weeks and I'm still not registered for class. I was waiting on my loan.
I wasnt apporved. This is the third time I tried to apply and I thought with the co signer I had I would get the loan.
I sat in the bathroom for about 15 minutes, crying asking why, when I want to be in school soooo bad. I would still be in the bathroom right now if my little sister didnt come knocking at the door. This is sooo stressful. My parents want me in school but they are not supporting me finacialy. They say the dont have the money. Finacail aid didnt give me much. I guess my mom makes to much. I cried. I cried and I meant it. I really wish I could go to school this semester. I would like to think that God has something better in store for me but thats the same thing I thought the last semester I took off. Its meant for me to be in school I know it. What else am I suppose to do with my life if not school?
College is very expensive. Tooo expensive for no reason really. I just really wanna go back. My major is Journalism. Yeaa I like to write. It just hurts soo bad when you cant get something you want. Some kids wish they never had to go to school and here I am begging to go. All I need is a reason for this happening. A lesson. I dont know. Now my eyes are burning for crying soo hard. My plan is to hide. Stay locked up in this house. Study nothing. Whats my next move? I wish I knew. I guess its just not for everyone. I went 1 semester and it just seems like its not meant for me to go back but now my heart is hurt because I wanna go to school sooo bad.

:(

just to keep you updated

2007-08-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

Lilly is sooo cool

nothing really has been going on

well i did talk to Anthony last night

he was tweaking like really kept saying things like

"thats how you gone do me?"

"you acting a fool"

"now you gone act like you dont know what I'm talking about like you dont know whats going on"

I was laughing sooo hard b'cus I had no idea what he was talking about and he was soooo serious

like whats up with that

-I talked to Happy today

-I got a HUGH crush on Zac Efron
-I am like sooo jealous of his relationship with Vanessa
-Who ever thought High School Musical was gonna be such a hit. and who would have thought that I would actually have a HUGE crush on ZAC!!!

Bordem

2007-08-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

There is nothing to do today
I'm super bored and drowsy

Well Anthony tried to talk to another friend of mine.
I'm not impressed.

but

I do wish that i could find love.
A guy thats perfect.
That takes me places
buys me things
expresses his love for me
thats honest
and loyal
some one that im very comfortable around
thats tough but sensitive
that understands that the world revolves around Brooke lol
that loves me much
that i can sit and watch 100 movies with and never get bored
that i can be on the phone with for hours saying nothing
thats not only out for sex
someone who is religious
some one who has morals
thats smart and RICH!! lol
that understands that family comes first
thats mature
and very attractive

Dirty Rumors

2007-08-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

Every time I think its over something new comes up

Now

Anthony this is what Anthony told me last night

"Brooke you know Eric looking for you," he laughs.
"Yeah he looking for you too," I said pissed.

"Naw, naw for real. I was with the guys today. They crazy. You 'posed to had fucked Eric," Now I was just shocked.

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, you 'posed to had fucked Eric and Happy," I couldn't believe my ears.

"yea he looking for you. He said he need to talk to you."

How did this manage to happen. I bet it was all Anthony's doing because Eric would never spread a rumor like this. For me and him not to even talk to each other we get into a lot of drama together. Its almost like we might as well mess around since that is what is being said.

AMAZING

My Decision!

2007-08-16T22:33:00.000-07:00

-I decided to not take Anthony serious anymore.

-He texted Ciara saying you never have time for me Like WHAT THE FUCK!

-He really needs to get it together.

-So I'm not going to worry about disrespecting him by being we other guys {his friends for example}

-I'm learning to let alot of things go and to not settle for less

-So losers don't even try

-Anthony just called me twice. I didn't answer

-I cant talk to him everyday

plus when I'm mad at him and I talk to him I seem to forget that I was even mad.

-He's no good for me.

My cousin who betrayed me

Ok I have a cousin who betrayed me now the whole family disowned her {can you say MAFIA she's lucky shes still alive..lucky this is not the Sopranos LOL}

Well Everything I like she likes because shes a follower.

So its this guy that's hot. She likes him only because I do.

I seek revenge yes...

so just wait to she see me riding around with him in his car! YAY!

I'm Like Hot Chick that you can't even touch!!

Uffie so Cool

I'm a movie Junkie!!

Well Today I Watched

Mr. and Mrs. Smith {my fav!!}

I think I love my wife {So funny!}

Black Snake Moan {GREAT!}

Roll Bounce {Bow wow is sooo HOT!}

Learned from the Big Screen

"You lose money chasing women but to never lose women chasing money" Just a quote that I remembered for I think I Love my Wife. This movie helped me understand to stop looking for all the flaws in a relationship and be happy with what's there. Everything is not what it seems. You may be with your boyfriend and meet another guy that's just HOT but is he really worth losing someone you shared almost everything with???

Black Snake Moan was a very interesting movie. Its kind of funny because even though I'm a virgin I think that I'm going to be a sex addict and that's like my biggest fear! Just remember take control because you're the only one that's in control of yourself.

Call me crazy but I've always wanted to have a huge fight with my boyfriend like in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Wouldn't that be hot? Ok I know I'm not like the only one who feels this way. This movie is so hot. Maybe because Angie {that's what I call her} and Brad are like the sexiest people in HollyHell {that's what I call it}. I'm like Angie's biggest fan and honestly I get some of my swag {personality or COOLness} from her. This movie is clearly the best. Who wouldn't want to be a hot assassin and fight off bad guys with a sexy guy like Brad Pitt on your side. Next relationship I'm in has to be kick ass like this one! Bonnie and Clyde or Mr. and Mrs. Smith either way love is war and I got a few ex's who ass I wanna kick just like in this movie. Just imagine the sex after a fight like that. Tantalizing.

I simply enjoy this fun film. It just makes me want to put on some roller skates and get on the floor even though I might fall flat on my butt. Bow wow did good. I really think in Roll Bounce his performance was at its best. I love this movie plus I met like half the cast, well the guys at least, and I actually dated one of the guys. Bet you a never guess who?? {HAHA} I'll never tell!

by the way Anthony just called like 10 times

JERK!

Update!!

2007-08-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

OK
Remember the crazii night and Anthony's ex-girlfriend??
well she busted his car windows out that same night. So now he's like missing all of his windows
GREAT!

I wanna kick her ass but I'm not going to feed into that.
Well me and Anthony is talking again!!
GREAT!!

I went outside with Happy last night. I love that guy. He's such a bad guy lol.
Either he doesn't know about what happened between me, Anthony and Eric or he's just playing it off real good because they all live in this neighborhood and they are all friends. {that sucks!}

Oh yea I'm really changing my name.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?!

Well I went to the movies to see Rush Hour 3 so my phone was on silent.
I saw I had 4 missed calls all from a private caller.
I instantly thought KEISHA!
but it was a girl and this is what she said

"Bitch I found your number in my mans phone, he got all type of stuff dumb bitch he got aids and you gone die too hoe"

Well luckly I'm a VIRGIN.
but like who calls a random girl in her boyfriends phone and says he has aids and why is she even with him???

so not cool

To top it off she didnt leave her name or his
Like WTF

he could be anybody and so could I

it didnt sound like Keisha

I laughed at the whole situtaion because I have so much drama going on at once right now and its crazii.

I really wanna know who the guy is so I can know NOT to hook up with him.

This is just all to much.

And it could be anybody. A guy I never talked to that had my number for years. I told Happy I told Anthony... I dont think its them anyways but I guess i'll find out

This is just GREAT!

2007-08-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

ok
remember Eric??

yea well his girlfriend cussed him out because..me I guess.
"Where Anthony been at?" his girl asked him.
"I saw him last night with two girls," Eric answered her.
"Who?"
"I don't know the girls. Why?"

So Ciara told her it was me and her.

"I asked about Anthony, he told me he saw him," Eric's girl friend Keisha told Ciara.
"Yea me and Brooke was with him," Ciara told her.
"That's why he didn't wanna tell me who Anthony was with because of Brooke. I heard from people that she be looking for him," Keisha told her.

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!
How did my name get in this??????
GREAT!

Anthony called me to tell me that Eric woke up with missed calls and voice mails and it was Keisha calling cussing him out talking about..

"So you was with Brooke last night. Y'all hung out."
Supposedly, Eric tried to hook up with me.
Never happened
Supposedly he hopped in the car and we all got drunk
Never happened
We didn't even look at each other let along HOOK UP.
Impossible

How did I manage to get in that. I haven't seen or talked to this guy in months and I know him just like I know everybody else off the strength that we all went to school together.

I really hope that they don't break up over such a misunderstanding.
Because I heard that they had a big fight. BIG FIGHT

but I'm changing my name because I don't wanna be in nothing else.
God please help me!
these people are insane

Love is a Losing Game

2007-08-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday morning with lots of missed calls and voicemails. I talked to Anthony he wanted to know if it was really over. Deep down inside I didnt want to let him go. I love him too much but I know that if I stick around the drama is only gonna get worst. He told me that he couldnt lose me. He said he just couldnt take that lost.

He kept asking me "is this the end, so its over" and I never answered so he knew that I didnt want to end it. So he started asking me to make it official.

"Whats the difference from being girlfriend and boyfriend and what we have now," he asked me.
"Nothing," I answered him.
"Exactly," he responed back.

Then I dont know how we got to this point but he was like ok I cant keep doing this. Then he asked me if he could talk to my friend. MY FRIEND. the girl we were with last nigth, Ciara. He told me he liked her and if he could have sex with her and would every thing between me and him would be the same.

A while ago he asked me the same thing and I hooked them up but at the time it didnt matter that much to me then but it still did because how could he do something like that to me if he cared about me sooo much. I told him he could but it hurt me. He told me he need a girlfriend he's not gay and I guess since I wasnt trying to be it he was gone go to her.

He told me he would do anything for me and I know every word of that was true and I would do anything for him but as much as he loves me he destroys me at the same time. I never had heartbreak the way I have it now almost to the point where I want to call him and say lets be together. I thought I had never been inlove but now I know I've been inlove the whole time. I never felt heart ach before and now I feel it for someone that I thought was really nothing to me.

As much as it hurts I gotta let it go. Its eating me up inside that he would even do that to ME. I know I'm wrong too but just like I asked him how would he feel if I hooked up with one of his friends. I'm almost to the point where I just want to delete all the number out of my phone and start new. Its almost impossible for me not to talk to him or have him in my life because he is a big part of me. Hopefully just like all the other times we end up friends again because I love him soo much.

What a night

2007-08-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

Ok
I was with Anthony last night and he really pissed me off. I really care about him and I know he a do ANYTHING for me but I just can't commit. He wants a relationship but I'm just not sure if I can give him that.

Last night was soooo crazy. First him and his friend came and got me and we went and pick up my friend. Its like she has a super guard up. She don't even wanna talk to new guys. He was just asking for her name and stuff and she wouldn't even took at him. so we took her back home after they cussed her out and went and got my other friend.

We rode around went and bought something to drink.

At the liquor store..
Anthony's friend Benny went and bought us something to drink. So we pull up in this lot and we all just got drunk... Anthony threw the bottle out his sunroof and broke his back window out.. Can you say DRUNK. We had to go to the gas station and vacuum all the glass out.

Now we riding around without a back window.
I'm driving and Anthony's ex-girlfriend pull up on the side of use and says "HEY BOO," to him like I'm supposed to be mad. But what pissed me off is that she called his phone, left 3 voice mails saying that I'm a fourth grader..GREAT!
I was ready to fight

We go back to the liquor store and see his friends Eric and Isiah.
I got mad because he told Eric that I had been looking for him all day. I had been asking about him. I was pissed. Plus he called me a bird! great!

We leave them me and Anthony are still arguing. My friend is driving his car now. i go home.

He called my phone at least 30 times last night or more. Left 6 voice mails.

He told me he really wanna be with me, he loves me, and all this stuff. Im thinking to myself I can not forgive him this time but its like im just to attached to him.

so i put my phone on silent and woke up with missed calls and voicemails. He wanted to know if I was serious about what I had said the other night. I told him we were over and I wasnt gonna talk to him anymore..I'm too attached!

Just thinking......

2007-08-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was driving I saw Trey standing outside.

I started to remember when I didn't like him.

I'm just the type of person that hates to put myself out.

It may not seem like a big deal to other people but it is to me. It took alot for me to let him know I was even interested in him. I'm a person with alot of pride and I let that go for him.

I started to realize that maybe my standards are to high but then again I have alot of confidence and I hate guys that lack that. I'm starting to set new goals for myself and not even get involved with guys that are a waste of time. I'll keep the old ones around for a while but no new low-life's.

I'm starting to think that guys are really intimidated by me. I'm not like other girls I'm kinda conservative if that's what you wanna call it. I do flirt alot, I like to have fun, and be the center of attention but I'm very mature about things. I don't smoke, drink or hook up with random guys. I'm smart I have a future and guys are intimidated because they feel that they are not good enough for me. I just want somebody who cares about me, that's as romantic as I am and sees a relationship as more then just sex.

I have always had guys knocking at my door, just not the ones I want.

Flashback #1: Kiss and Don't Tell

2007-08-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ok

While I was still in a "relationship" with Larry I hooked up with this other guy, Curtis*. My friend and I were having movie night. He called my phone and asked if he could stop by so me and my friend went outside to talk to him. It was him and his 2 brothers anywayz we were talking all hugged and stuff.

Then they suggested we sit in the car since it was like the winter time.
Why did I get in that backseat with him???

He kept kissing on me. So we ended up making out and just a little more. Then he asked me to come to his house. NO!

He knew I had a boyfriend and I later found out that they knew each other. They only lived a few blocks away from each other and went to elementary school together. HA!

I only felt bad because that was the first time me and Curtis kicked it and here I was having a major make out session with him and couldn't even kiss my own boyfriend.. *confused*

I still talk to Curtis now. Why????

oh yea and by the way we were in a truck and one of his brothers was in the truck watching us and my friend and his other brother was in the front seat arguing.

Facebook: Trey

2007-08-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

OK
I am like so not tripping right now..but I did send him a message liked he ask for and he did not reply..and yes he has been online

he hates me *tear*

but meanwhile...
I love Brandon Hines music..its like his voice just relaxes me and I feel as if I'm in heaven {I know I'm a dork} I forget about all of my problems. I LOVE HIM!!

2007-08-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

Just a few things that I'm tired of waiting for....

Trey.
Well for starters I still haven't replied to Trey and I'm ready to start something with him {friendship or relationship} NOW!

For guys to give up
Well at least this guy that likes me. Evertime he asks why we are not together I tell him. He just don't take NO! for an answer.

Real love.
I have never been in love. EVER.

My real life to start.
This just can't be right. This can't be life. To much war not enough love.

The perfect love song
There are many songs that I relate to and sounds as if they were written for me but I wish there was just one song that said it all.

My prayers to be answered.
Everynight I pray of course. and there is something I always ask for and I have been asking for this everysince I was 10.

Comments!!!!
lol yea what does it takes to get a few comments on here. Guess I'm not that interesting.

Confusing && Celebs they remind of

2007-08-08T00:52:00.000-07:00

Ok Trey responded...and now I don't know wat to do. I'm so effing confused. I'm scared to tell him, childish of me right?

I just like him soooo much that I don't want nothing to mess it up. Like what should I send him? Like what should I say?

This sucks! Majorly!

These are some celebs the guys remind me of:

Larry reminds me of Chris Brown

Happy reminds me of Young Jeezy or Gucci Mane lol

Trey reminds me of Brandon Hines

Ok I talked to Anthony today and my feelings for him is still not as strong as they use to be. I really feel that I cant trust him and I feel that maybe if I wasn't involved with him then I wouldn't have alot of the problems I have now. But how do I let him go?

Lyrics to listen to and understand

"You need to get if he don't wanna, Love you the right way He ain't gonna"

from Let it go by Keisha Cole

Facebook Honesty Box: Trey {Can you say impatient??}

2007-08-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ok I admit I was a little impatient. Ok i was totally bugging. Trey responded FINALLY, and made my day!!

his response!!!!

Trey
send me a message 2 my inbox. all this mystery is pointless

Cool beans!! I feel relieved now

Now lets see how far this goes...knowing my luck {nowhere} but I'm going to stay positive because I'm AWESOME!

Happy Birthday Atta!!

Maybe he really is my Superman!
Ha!

Facebook Honesty Box: Trey

2007-08-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

Ok there's this guy that I really like. He raps and I always like his music and a friend of mine is friends with him. One day I was with my friend and we went to Trey's*, the guy I like, barber shop. That was my first time seeing him in person and that was like 3 months ago & every since then I cant stop thinking about him.

He has a Facebook page and as soon as he got a honesty box you better believe I was sending him anonymous messages.

and this is our exact conversation.....

you
can u be my superman?

Trey
depends on who it is

you
you wouldn't be disappointed

Trey
why dnt u tell me and find out, cuz I might wnt u 2 be my superwoman.

You
yeaa but if i told you, you still wont know who i am since we only saw each other once

Trey
how long ago?

Trey
u still should tell me cuz I prolly do kno who u are

you
ummmm it was like in June I think....... you know a friend of mine

Trey
wut friend?

you
this guy that live around me...i dont kno if i should tell you because it might be a give away

Trey
it bein a give away would be a good thing. cuz then we can possibly work toward me bein yo superman....

you
well you kno 2 people i kno DJ* and Waterboy*...my friends use to talk to them but that dont really matter cus all i wanna do is get to know you

like where did i go wrong. I knew I shouldn't have told him who the guys were. Its been like 3 days and he still haven't replied back (bummer!), and yes I have been really bitter about it because I REALLY like him.

*Real Names have been changed

Intro

2007-08-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

1:39am. I close my eyes and think about my day. The only thing that seems to cross my mind is how much I want to be with "him" and how much I wish "the one" I am with was "him". The only way for me to get this off my chest and stop letting is stress me is to blog it.

I'm 19 years old, freshly, and my last "relationship" ended in December, He cheated. I never had strong feelings for him so it only hurt because I thought that I was the greatest thing, guess not.

Let's Get To Know The Guys

Larry*
Well I met him over the net to start with. That was in like 2003. I thought he was really cute and we started talking. It never got anywhere until recently. We got back in touch over Myspace in the summer of 2006 and jumped right into a relationship (I must have been bored). I knew he was a male whore but I didn't really have intentions on having sex with him seeing that I was (or still am??) a virgin at the time. For some reason I couldn't kiss him (virgin lips also). We went through alot because alot of my friends know and HATE him but we stuck through it. He was the biggest freak! Sex addict! and here I am little miss Virgin Mary. He cheated I found out over Facebook and I broke up with him. Now he's engaged and under aged (Better her that me! :) !!)

Happy*
I met him while I was dating Larry. It was just one of those summer nights. I was hanging out with his friends and he liked me. I gave him my number and from then on we have been together (not in a relationship). Its been over a year now and I have strong feelings for him but something is missing. Plus he's a rebel without a cause. Can you say GANGSTA?? My parents would just die. He is the only guy I feel that I can trust (and I have HUGH trust issues).

Anthony*
I've know this guy since elementary school. He has been through alot and I care about him. He keeps me laughing but I don't feel I can trust him at all. He's immature, (huge turn-off) but for some reason I can' t leave him alone but since today my feelings for him is at an all time low low. He will probably do anything for me but he surrounds himself with prostitutes literally and he feels that most girls are whores (maybe that's why he's so attached to me because I'm not). Oh yea he is like best friends with Happy and that SUCKS!

Since 2007 started I've been through hell. There are soooooo many other guys and love mistakes its almost unbelievable. My life is a love song rather is a good in love forever song or cry for days eating gallons of ice cream love songs.

*Names have been changed